GRACE Abounds for the Spouseનમૂનો

Forgiveness is the Recipe for Healing

Remember the last time you enjoyed a satisfying feast? Consider the process involved in creating such a tasty meal and the time it takes to find the freshest ingredients needed for the dishes. The chef needs patience and skill when preparing each item. Similarly, cultivating a healthy and thriving marriage takes intentional steps.

Forgiveness is a key ingredient for a successful marriage. It is not a simple garnish—you do not just sprinkle it on top of marriage and say it is good. No, forgiveness is the main course—meat and potatoes. And if your wife is walking through the trauma of sexual violence, one of the greatest gifts you can dish out for yourself, your wife, and even her perpetrator(s) is forgiveness.

The alternative is to stew in resentment, which causes bitterness to boil over and scald your soul. Understandably, it may be difficult at times not to become angry at the person who hurt her or the ones who did not protect her, or even at God for allowing something so painful to happen to the one you love. Proverbs 25:28 (NIV) says, "Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control." Choose your response wisely because unforgiveness is a recipe for brokenness and bondage.

You may carry guilt for insensitivity, impatience, or responding negatively toward your wife because of things you did not understand. The truth is that you are human and are working through an unexpected and devastating experience. If you make a mistake, it is not the time to give up on the joys, triumphs, and freedom ahead. Own your mistakes and ask for forgiveness. And if your wife hurts you with her coping methods, forgive her, too. Forgiveness is a full buffet, meaning everyone gets a plate.

Forgiveness is trading the boiling pot of anger for a slow-cooked stew of grace; it is clearing the cutting board of old ingredients and cleaning the surface to prepare for new ones. Admittedly, forgiveness is not always easy to dish out. You may need to pray for a willing and sincere heart. Remember the promise of scripture in Philippians 2:13 (NIV), "for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose." The truth is, God served us forgiveness with compassion and sacrifice while we were still sinners. Now, using your Savior as your model, it is your turn to prepare the picnic on the side of this mountain.