GRACE Abounds for the Spouseનમૂનો

Game Two

When it comes to football, a good quarterback knows the playbook inside and out. He studies it, practices it, and adjusts it for each game. Why? Because he knows his team’s success depends on it. Your wife’s experience with trauma is a bit like that playbook. It is full of nuances, strategies, and cues you need to learn to help her feel safe and supported. One key play to master is understanding her triggers.

Triggers are like surprise blitzes on the field. They catch her off guard and send her body into fight, flight, or freeze mode, often reminding her of past trauma. Triggers can come from seemingly small things—smells, sounds, places, dates, names, events, or words. Her brain and body create her response to triggers as its natural protective survival instinct. There may be times when you want to know why she responds the way she does, but many times, she may not have the answer. Remember that it is in these moments she needs your understanding. Ask her what else she may need from you when triggered because it could be space, nearness, or just a listening ear. Study what stirs up her anxiety or discomfort and ask, “Is there something that feels hard about this for you?” Listen to her share without judgment.

There may be moments that take her back to a painful place, so allow her to set boundaries and say a topic is off-limits. As she heals, she may become more open to discussing it, but she must be ready emotionally. Think of it like running the football a few yards at a time until you reach the end zone. Setting boundaries a little at a time takes her closer and closer to where she needs to be as she learns to fight off opposition. Since trauma often leaves survivors feeling powerless, reclaiming control can be a win for your wife—and you!

Now, develop a solid game plan. Galatians 6:2 (NIV) says, "Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." One of the most encouraging ways to support her when she struggles is to help her figure out what makes her feel grounded and safe. Strategize with your wife to develop a self-care plan for handling triggers. Some things she could consider are journaling, praying, going for a walk, talking with life-giving friends, or doing breathing exercises.

Over time, as your wife pursues healing, triggers tend to diminish in intensity and frequency. They will not disappear overnight, but they will lose their grip. Your love, patience, and support can help make the journey smoother.

And hey, do not forget—you are not the only one in this game or up on that mountain. God is the ultimate Coach, equipping you both for victory. Lean on Him for wisdom, strength, and grace while you navigate this season together. As you do, you will learn to protect her blind side.