Helping Your Kids Know God's Good DesignSample

Talk About the Consequences of Sexual Sin

One way to help our children grasp the goodness of God’s design for sex is by talking about the practical repercussions of not following that design. Unless children begin asking us questions about this, these conversations don’t need to occur when they are very young. Instead, we can wait to have these talks until our children are between the ages of ten and twelve.

Postponing these conversations is beneficial because it keeps the consequences from becoming the central focus of sex talks. After all, we don’t want our children to obey God simply because they are scared of the repercussions. We want them to live biblically faithful lives out of a love for God. However, once our children are ten and older, these conversations about consequences can help paint a fuller picture of the good boundaries God has placed around sex. A helpful way to start these conversations is to connect the concept of sexual sin to other ways people can sin with their bodies. For example, we can use our hands for God’s glory, but we can also use our hands to sin. With your child, you can brainstorm a list of good things God designed a hand to do: pick things up, carry groceries, scratch our noses, hold a pencil, throw a ball, etc. Then discuss how when we use our hands according to God’s good design, we can help ourselves, help others, and do some pretty amazing things. Next, brainstorm a list of ways we can use our hands that go against God’s good design: hitting or pushing someone, breaking things, stealing, etc. You can then discuss how when we use our hands in these ways, we end up hurting ourselves and hurting others, and our sin separates us from God.

From there, explain that people can similarly use sex in ways that go against God’s good design. Instead of keeping sex between a husband and wife in the covenant of marriage, many people engage in sex outside of marriage. Sometimes people believe God’s good design is old-fashioned and keeps them from having fun. But this is not true. God’s design is always for our good, and any time we use our bodies in a way that goes against God’s design, there are consequences. From here, you can begin discussing four specific types of consequences that result from sex outside the context of marriage: spiritual consequences, emotional consequences, physical consequences, and consequences inflicted on others.

Finally, it is important to close the conversation by talking about grace and redemption. Our children will encounter many people who choose to reject or ignore God’s good design for sex. And, as they grow, some of our children will choose that path as well. We want them to understand that God still extends grace and redemption to sexual sinners (1 Corinthians 6:9-11). This doesn’t mean we should brush off the seriousness of sexual sin or make it seem as if those who engage in it will not experience consequences. However, we must make certain our children know that anyone—through repentance—can receive the forgiveness Jesus freely offers through his life, death, and resurrection.