The Unwanted Firstsਨਮੂਨਾ

Discovery

There's a discovery process that you may or may not be aware of when grieving. You learn a lot about yourself while in grief...the good, the bad, and the ugly. God tends to reveal much of what needs to be refined while your broken vessel is being shaped and molded in the Potter's hands.

We can choose better or bitter on this first-year grief journey. Many choose bitterness and are utterly miserable for a very long time. They "strive" with the Master in the whys and suffer more significant pain for longer. God wants the "better" choice to be made.

On many days of the unwanted firsts, I wondered how I would catch my breath when I was hurting so severely, but somehow, Jesus gave each breath to me, just as He did before the losses. You discover that God's strength manifests best when you are the weakest version of yourself. You aren't necessarily looking to make an impact when grieving so hard, but as a believer, you MUST! You may feel dimmed by your grief, but you can still shine for Jesus in the midst of it! (Matt. 5:14)

I quickly discovered my strengths and weaknesses, which needed a major overhaul. Before these losses, I had very little compassion. I thought I was good in that area until the shoes were on my feet to receive. I had never previously said or done the right things in front of people who had experienced a loss. In that first year, you often hear, "I know how you feel," or, "Me, too, or when it happened to me, I..."

I thought, "It's too hard for me to get my head out of this grief fog I'm in currently to focus on your past hurts." These are all well-meaning people, but it turns the focus off the hurting heart and onto themselves.

A listening ear needs to be an "others-centered" technique when dealing with a hurting heart, not a me-centered method of listening. Gracious words are required, and we can still speak them, even when the unwanted firsts are upon us, and well-intentioned people are insensitive. (Prov. 16:24)

I have discovered that the best way to help grieving hearts is to listen, love, check on them, and serve. Nothing helps more than living a life of others-focused servitude.

Discover the things about yourself within the grief that can be used to help others who God puts in your path, and let Him work for your inner healing.