The Unwanted Firstsਨਮੂਨਾ

Why Me, Lord?

"Why" is a question most often used when you first lose someone close to you. You want answers. You grasp and search and ask with seemingly no answers to be found. God can feel very silent during the initial stages of grief.

"Why has this happened, God, that you would take my person?" "What did 'I do' wrong? Why does this have to be? When will this pain lessen? Why don't You care, God?"

I speak to you now from a place of experience. In 2024 alone, we lost our 11-year-old granddaughter, my mother, three friends, my father-in-law, and our little dog of almost 15 years. I can't begin to tell you how many times I questioned, "WHY, Lord? Why me? Why now? Why so many?"

I went through all the stages of grief and have wallowed in the anger phase for quite some time. I have found myself circling back around to the anger more times than I can count. It just "feels" so unfair. But is it? (Job 1:21) I have said multiple times to God, "This is just so unfair, God!" His still, small voice would say back to me, "But it IS fair. The LORD gives, and the LORD takes away...blessed be the Name of the Lord!" I now repeat His Words back to Him, and it helps me.

I am in the last of my initial "Unwanted Firsts." January 29 will be the anniversary of the "promotion," as I like to call it, of our dear little Lilah going to Heaven. February 16 will be my Mama's anniversary of her promotion.

I am learning that all of it must be put into proper perspective to get through all of these unwanted firsts. I've heard many times, "I am praying for you and your family as you approach these death anniversaries." I have decided to say, "I am choosing to view it as a celebration of their promotion to glory!" Because really...what more incredible honor could they have earned and how better to get me through all of this?

The truth is, we will most likely never know "why." We only need to trust in God's sovereignty, that His ways are higher than ours (Isaiah 55:9), and that He has a unique purpose and plan for each one of us left here to carry out until we reunite with Him in heaven.