Rules of Resilience: How to Thrive in a World of Change and UncertaintySýnishorn

Resilience Rule #2: Choose Thoughts That Strengthen You

Perhaps the most immediate transformative rule of resilience is that when you change your thoughts, you change how you feel and what you do. So much of our life experience is not what actually happens to and around us, but what we tell ourselves about what is happening to and around us. If you can embrace this one truth, you can use it to transform your life. Psychology and faith both confirm it. As people think, so they are, Proverbs 23:7 tells us, promising that our thoughts become our reality.

Most people don’t pay much attention to their thoughts. And even if they do notice them, they may not realize that they don’t have to simply accept whatever thoughts show up. At the core of resilience is the ability to examine your thoughts, decide whether they are helpful, and intentionally choose thoughts that strengthen rather than weaken you.

When it comes to thought awareness, the key is noticing how you interpret adverse events when they occur. It’s not what happens that matters most; it’s what you say to yourself about what happens that matters most. Your thoughts about the events of your life are more powerful than the events themselves. Why? Because it is your thoughts that create your reactions (emotions and actions). It is your interpretation of events that you must be intentional about if you are to be resilient.

So, if the key to changing your reactions is changing your thoughts, how do you go about doing that?

Take a moment to consider a challenge you are currently struggling to conquer and how you feel about it. Call to mind the actions, or lack thereof, that are counterproductive to succeeding in the face of this challenge. What are you saying to yourself about the challenge? Ask yourself whether each thought is helpful or counterproductive—or whether it moves you forward or keeps you stuck. A counterproductive thought is one that holds you back from the goal or outcome you desire. For each counterproductive thought, identify a new, productive thought to replace it. For example, the thought I don’t know if I can do this can be replaced with I’ve got this. The thought This mistake will ruin my career can be replaced with I am determined to learn from this mistake, and I will not give up.

The best time to identify thought replacements is when you are in a positive frame of mind. The most resilient people have these thoughts ready so they can replace their most persistent counterproductive thoughts.

Don’t be discouraged if it’s hard at first, or if you choose thoughts that strengthen you one day, only to fall victim to counterproductive thoughts and feel like giving up the next. This is normal. But as you keep replacing counterproductive thoughts with helpful thoughts, your new interpretations will become your norm. Practice is like building muscle. With repetition, you’ll get stronger over time.