Mom Guilt

6:00am: A quiet house and a warm cup of tea. A cozy chair in front of the window where the sun will soon rise. Just me and God. That is, until…

6:05: me, God,

and my three-year-old.

I walk my son back to his room. Five minutes of glorious peace pass, and then my son is out again. “Buddy!” I gasp, exasperated. “Stay in your room! Why can’t you figure this out!” I close the door a little too harshly on my way out.

After settling into my chair again, shame weighs heavily on my chest. I didn’t handle the situation well. I was too hostile and unkind. I didn’t carry out the teaching moment as I should have.

Now reflecting on this situation, I realize that in that moment I was speaking to myself the same way I spoke to my son.“Why can’t you figure this out?” The same shame I mourned, directing toward my son, I was now pouring out over myself.

In your own motherhood, do you too find yourself met with this inner-criticism? Do you, too, ever feel -“Why can’t I figure this out?”

A one-sided hug

When it was time for my son to get up for the day, I went back to his room and apologized for my lack of kindness. I think he could sense my sadness and remorse, and so after apologizing for his part, he then asked, “Do you need a hug?” I laughed, nodded, and held out my arms to my son, to which he replied, “Put your arms down, Mommy. Let me just hug you.”

Cue the floodgates!

In my shame, it was just what I needed.

If you, too, struggle with perfectionism and the biting shame that can come with it, this liturgy is my offer of a one-sided hug. I pray it wraps its arms around you as it proclaims both the unconditional love of Jesus for you and his unwavering commitment to your sanctification. While the voice of our inner-critic aligns more with that of a slave-driver, the voice of our Savior - as he shapes us for glory - is full always of compassion, admiration and care.

Over all the self-critical noise, may we choose to listen to His voice.