***Content Notice***

This Bible Plan includes live discussions of miscarriage. It is included for the purpose of encouragement and spiritual support.

Please be advised before proceeding.

Grieving a Miscarriage

Jesus Wept

There’s a story in John 11 where Jesus raises a man from the dead. The account is a beautiful picture and foretaste of the destiny of God’s people, proclaiming that death is not the end! God’s people will be resurrected to spend eternity with him! However, there’s a part about halfway through the narrative that, at first glance, is quite perplexing —

Lazarus, a friend of Jesus, has died, and Jesus has made the journey to Lazarus’s hometown. Upon Jesus’s arrival, Lazarus’s sister Mary confronts Jesus. “Lord,” she says, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” (John 11:32, ESV) The Gospel writer John then depicts what happens next:

33When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.34“Where have you laid him?” he asked.“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.35Jesus wept.36Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” (John 11:33-36, ESV)

Okay, so there’s Jesus, confronted by the upset sister, surrounded by the grieving mourners, and he knows he’s about to raise Lazarus from the dead. If I were Jesus, I’d be quickly jumping to hush Mary and the crowd: “Guys, guys, you don’t have to be upset! It’s going to turn out alright! I have a plan!”

If, like Lazarus’s family and friends, you’ve recently had an encounter with death in the form of a miscarriage, I wonder if you’ve been met with “comforting” that sounds a little bit like this sentiment. Whether from others or from yourself, perhaps the message your aching heart is being fed is:“Don’t be sad! Everything will work out in the end! God has a plan!”

Now, I want you to notice in the story of Lazarus that in the face of death, such is not the response of Jesus. No, Jesus responds as one who is “deeply moved in Spirit and troubled.”

In the face of death, Jesus wept.

Permission to Grieve

When we go through an experience with death, it’s certainly important and helpful to acknowledge the hope. We see Jesus acknowledge truth and hope with Lazarus’s other sister Martha, earlier on in the narrative. But while holding onto hope, it’s also just as important to let ourselves grieve. This is what Jesus himself modeled! Grief, unprocessed, stays inside us, continuing to eat away at us until it is dealt with.

Sometimes it seems it takes the invitation of others to let ourselves feel. Friend, if you have just lost your unborn child, you have the invitation of Jesus himself to mourn. Jesus is grieving right alongside you, holding infinite space for all of your sadness, anger, doubt, and pain.

And if you are a friend of someone who has just had a miscarriage, remember that as the body of Christ, we are called to reflect our Head. We have the honor of grieving alongside our friends, giving them the permission and space they need to process their experience on the road to healing.

In whichever camp you find yourself today, I pray this liturgy reminds you of the with-ness of Jesus in our pain and suffering. Yes, thank you, Lord, for meeting us where we are, even as you are bringing us through.