Becoming a Mom

Missing the old me

I held it up to myself, then stretched out it before my eyes in disbelief - the miniskirt that surfaced in my new year’s closet clean out. In a season where outfits are now evaluated for their functionality to be bent down in while holding a child or comfortably played on the floor in, I felt genuinely mystified at this article of clothing. The girl who wore this skirt… surely she existed in another life!

This sensation of becoming a new person through motherhood surfaced immediately for me after becoming a mom. In the haze of the newborn days, I remember a friend asking me about a book I had been reading before having my baby. I hadn’t thought of anything but feeding schedules and diaper changes for days on end, and the question genuinely gave me whiplash. I couldn’t imagine having the time to focus or read again. Truly, I didn’t even feel interested in the subject matter of the book anymore! Upon realizing this, I cried, as I did often in those early newborn days. I missed the me that used to like to read.

An anchor in the change

It’s been almost four years since becoming a mom, and I’ve come to understand that we eventually surface from the change that feels like it’s swallowing us at the time. However, we never come out of the change completely the same, do we? Hence, the miniskirt that now feels incomprehensible to wear…

As moms, our bodies, our interests, our dreams, our desires, they all change in light of the little humans in our lives. And it can be so disorienting, can’t it?

With this liturgy for becoming a mom, I pray it serves to be an anchor to you in whatever sea of change you find yourself - in the newborn days or the years that come after - for we are always “becoming” as moms. From day one and each day thereafter, we are transformed by this journey of nurturing young lives. And throughout it all, may we cling to the one reality, the one part of us, that is certain to never change: Jesus, and his permanent dwelling within us.