Freedom Renewed: Healing From Addiction Through Grace and GrowthSample

Day 5: Breaking the Cycle of Shame

Shame is at the core of a porn habit. It can impact you over years, even decades. Sam’s original shame felt like inadequacy and social anxiety. He compared himself to idealized versions of others and then never felt he could live up to the comparison. Porn contributes to this way of living. Porn makes men feel they aren’t manly enough, strong enough, big enough, or confident enough; that their woman isn’t hot enough, sexy enough, or enthusiastic enough. Women, too, are made to feel deeply lacking in self-worth by pornography consumption. Shame from “not enough-ness” is a central and recurring theme of porn addiction.

Shame is also often paired with defensiveness. When others become aware of, or confront us about, our behaviors, we will often lash out and become highly defensive because of our shame. All these behaviors contribute to the problem they are trying to solve, perpetuating the sense of shame you feel. The lying, hiding, and the double-life of porn forces you into a shame spiral as you vacillate between Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

In order to break the shame cycle, you need to take this big first step: tell someone about your porn habit. Tell someone who makes you feel safe, who will understand, and who will offer no judgment. This might be a parent, mentor, close friend, or a brain-health porn addiction recovery coach. He or she can guide you through the action steps toward success. If you can tell your partner and have them stand beside you, that’s even better. They don’t have to offer you advice or solve the issue for you; they just need to support you in your journey.

Shame lives in secretiveness. The cycle can only be stopped after the windows are thrown open and the light is let in. So tell someone that your brain has been hijacked. Tell them that you don’t want the Hijacker to remain in control any longer. Take the first step toward reclaiming your power. Addiction breeds in isolation; it is stifled by connection.

Response: Reflecting on Isaiah 61:7, Romans 8:1, and John 1:5, how has shame impacted your sense of identity and the way you see yourself in God’s light? Consider how shame has influenced your behaviors, relationships, and decisions, including your use of pornography. What steps can you take to break the cycle of shame and allow God’s grace, forgiveness, and love to redefine your worth and identity? How might sharing your struggles with someone you trust bring light, connection, and healing into areas where shame has taken hold?

Prayer: Father, please guide me as I open up and shed light on a dark situation. Place those in my path who can help me, and through your Spirit, help me replace isolation with connection and healing.