“Choose to always look for the best in your spouse’s intentions”
Every day in our relationships, there will be moments when we are hurt. And that will certainly happen in the most intimate relationship of all. But when someone causes us pain, our human tendency is to ascribe a hurtful motive. They hurt me, therefore they don’t really care about me.
You had the perfect romantic date planned last night, but your husband worked late and you missed your dinner reservation. You can’t wait to surprise your wife after spending all day Saturday repainting the bathroom - she’s been asking for a while now. But she is disappointed the color isn’t right.
He doesn’t care. She doesn’t appreciate me. Those thoughts are so subconscious we may not even realize that’s what we’re assuming – but that is why we’re hurt. It turns out that one of the main things making people unhappy in marriage is believing the “he/she doesn’t care” lie that just isn’t true. Because in the vast majority of those surveyed, even in struggling marriages the spouses deeply care for one another. But to have an abundant marriage, you have to believe that truth even when you’re hurt.
This is where we remember what God’s Word asks: rather than judging the situation and our spouse for the hurt they have caused, we can choose to believe the best of their intentions. Even when there is a very real issue to work through, it doesn’t mean they do not care. We can choose to let mercy triumph and let love reign. Just as He showed us mercy and love in our moments of weakness, we can do the same for our spouse!
Sure, we may feel hurt, disappointed, or angry, but we can make the choice to believe what is almost certainly the truth: that our husband or wife really does have our best interests at heart regardless of what our emotions – or the situation -- might be telling us at the time.
When we allow God’s love and mercy to flow through us to our spouse, we will find less conflict, more grace, quicker forgiveness and much more delight at home.
Dear Lord, open my eyes to see the truth of how much my spouse cares for me – even in moments of hurt. Help me to be wise and choose an attitude of mercy, and let go of my desire to judge them for their actions. Just as You have shown me mercy and love, help me do the same for my spouse. And let our marriage stand as an example of that mercy and love to a watching world. Amen.