Speak Your Mind with Kindness

People hear your words of truth, but they feel your words of kindness. In other words, they feel your love and respect. I am defining kindness as being a loving and respectful person. Some believe kindness is optional, but kindness is not a nice add-on. You may tell the truth all day long, but if you do so while being unkind, hateful, and contemptuous, you are making more enemies than friends.

Some feel that kindness compromises the truth. They equate kindness with giving others license to indulge in wrongdoing. However, kindness is not about acquiescing or agreeing with others’ positions. Kindness has to do with who we are. We are caring and honorable people who deliver the uncompromising truth in a loving and respectful manner. Absolute truth is nonnegotiable. But truth is not advanced by being mean-spirited, hateful, and rude.

A question for us to ask before communicating is – Am I addressing the issue or attacking the person? If the person feels attacked, the negotiations will be difficult. When attacked, we put up walls. We may be present, but we’re so guarded that we don’t really listen. How about you? During a conflict, do you approach another as a friend, not a foe? Do you assume they have goodwill and are trustworthy unless presented with facts otherwise? Do you seek to remain positive and affirming while addressing concerns?

We get to decide how we will approach or react to another person. Another person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Someone else’s carelessness or difficult attitude cannot cause you to be angry or disrespectful. It can only reveal the anger and disrespect in you. We know kindness is fundamental for relationships to work well, but when we’re pushed to the edge and feel kindness is getting us nowhere, do we turn unpleasant, disagreeable, and uncivil? Do we compromise kindness to get what we want or to prevent losing what we have? Or are we committed to speaking lovingly and respectfully no matter what because we have resolved to be a loving and respectful human being? We must treat others as we would want them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant, or fools, or both.

Consider the following principles of speaking your mind with kindness:

• You must focus on being caring with your words.
• You must work on being sensitive with your words.
• If you are to speak your mind with kindness, you must learn to become responsible with your words.
• You must fight the temptation to speak unkindly toward others, but be resilient with your words to exhibit grace and kindness despite your circumstances.

None of us will escape experiencing bad days or bad moments when, having become irritated, we snap at someone. Thankfully, a weak moment does not make for an unkind person. However, this does not mean one has the right to speak unkindly to others. Caring communication is gentle, benevolent, affirming, tolerant, and peaceable. Ultimately, the real winners in life are those who commit to being compassionate, kindhearted, and generous as they live in this world of conflict and competition.

Respond

How do you tend to respond to others when you are irritated or treated unkindly? What does your response reveal about you?

How can kind words impact your ability to communicate clearly with someone else?

How can you prepare your heart and mind to respond to others with kindness and compassion, even in the presence of conflict?

Prayer

Lord Jesus, thank You for being my example of speaking with kindness. Help me to understand my own heart and responses when I feel conflict or tension as I communicate with others. Every person I encounter was created by You and should be treated with respect and dignity, no matter how I feel about them. While standing firm in what is true, please help me communicate with caring, sensitive, responsible, and gracious words. Amen.