God's Parenting Playbook: Divine Strategies for Earthly DadsНамуна

SPEAKING LIFE AND TRUTH: WORDS THAT BUILD UP

As a counselor of over 40 years, trust me when I say your words have the power to shape your child's identity for decades to come. I hear phrases weekly in the counseling room like, “My Dad used to say this…” and “I always felt like my Dad that…” The casual comments you make, the way you respond to their mistakes, the tone you use when you're frustrated—all of these become part of their internal voice about who they are and what they're capable of.

God’s word gives us warning to use our words wisely. In Proverbs 18:21 we learn that “the tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

God speaks identity over you constantly. The Bible is full of passages that tell us who we are. In 1 Peter 2:9 he calls us chosen and God’s "special possession.” In Ephesians 2:10 he tells us that we are His workmanship created for good works. Even when He corrects you, He does it in the context of who you are in Christ. He doesn't tear down your identity to address your behavior; He addresses your behavior from the foundation of your secure identity as His child.

As fathers, we have the incredible privilege and responsibility of echoing God's voice in our children's lives. This means we become students of each child, learning to see their character strengths and speaking those qualities into existence. Instead of just correcting what's wrong, we affirm what's right. Instead of focusing only on what they need to improve, we celebrate the growth we're already seeing.

Speaking life doesn't mean avoiding truth or difficult conversations. It means we tell the truth in love, wrapped in grace and hope. Like it says in Ephesians 4:29 we need to "not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Is what you’re saying to your kids benefitting them? Is it building them up according to their needs?

When we need to address problems, we separate their actions from their identity. "You made a poor choice" instead of "You're irresponsible." "This behavior isn't like you" instead of "You always do this."

The goal is to help them develop an internal voice that sounds more like God's voice than the world's voice. When they face challenges later in life, you want them to hear encouragement, wisdom, and truth in their heads—not criticism, doubt, and condemnation.

As my son and daughter are now adults with families of their own, I can look back at the things Nancy and I did well and the things we would like a “do over” on. Speaking into our kids was something we did well. We saw their gifts and abilities and told them so over and over. Today, I see the confidence they both have in what they do and who they are. I am so thankful that God laid those encouraging words on our hearts and off of our lips.

This also means we speak life about their future, not just their present. We help them see possibilities and potential rather than just current limitations. We remind them that God has good plans for their lives and that their current struggles don't define what God has for them.

Sometimes speaking life means calling out character qualities they don't even see in themselves yet. "I see how kind you are to your little sister." "I noticed how you didn't give up when that math problem was hard." "You have a gift for making people feel included."

Reflection Questions:

1. What words from your father (positive or negative) still influence how you see yourself today?
2. What "internal voice" are you helping to create in each of your children through your words?

Next Steps:

• Identify one character strength in each child and speak it over them this week.
• Replace one criticism with an encouraging truth when you need to correct behavior.
• Write down five positive things about each child and share them throughout the week.
• Before speaking correction, pause and consider: "How can I say this in a way that builds up rather than tears down?"