"Let’s Talk About Sex"

Scripture: Song of Solomon 7:6 (NLT)
"Oh, how beautiful you are! How pleasing, my love, how full of delights!"

Let’s be honest talking about sex in the midst of infertility, miscarriage, or grief can feel awkward, loaded, and sometimes downright painful.

It’s supposed to be beautiful, right? Fun. Intimate. Sacred.

But when your body becomes a battleground, or your marriage is carrying deep disappointment, sex can lose its joy. It can start to feel like a duty, a job, or just another reminder of what isn’t happening.

That’s not how God intended it.

In Song of Solomon 7:6, we get a glimpse of what God does intend delight, pleasure, and a love that’s rich and intoxicating. Not mechanical. Not pressured. Not performative. But deeply and intimately connecting.

When Intimacy Feels Like a Task

Infertility or loss has a way of hijacking the bedroom. It shifts sex from connection to conception. What started as love becomes logistics. And when the joy drains out, what’s left can feel hollow and shallow.

We know this weight. The calendar timing. The “we have to try tonight” pressure. The disappointment that creeps in afterward, and for some couples, sex becomes so emotionally tangled that it gets avoided altogether.

But here’s what we want you to hear: Your intimacy matters.

Sex isn’t just about results. It’s about connection.
It’s one of the ways God designed for us to say:

“I still choose you. I still desire you. We’re still in this together.”

A Sacred Reframe

Sex isn’t just physical; it’s spiritual, emotional, and relational.

1 Corinthians 7:3–5 reminds us that our bodies are not our own but they are entrusted to each other. That’s not a weapon to use or an obligation to demand. It’s an invitation into sacred vulnerability and mutual care.

And Hebrews 13:4 tells us to honor the marriage bed. That includes what we do and how we talk about it.

So, let’s reframe intimacy:

• Even if intercourse is off the table because of pain, trauma, or timing; intimacy doesn’t have to disappear. Touch, closeness, affection, presence; all of these are sacred too.
  
• It’s not just about getting pregnant but it’s about growing closer, becoming one, and remembering that your bond runs deeper than a calendar or a countdown.
  
• It’s not about guilt or obligation; it’s about safety, honesty, and shared connection.
  
• It doesn’t have to be perfect to be powerful; it just needs to be loving, present, and real.
  
• And yes; it’s meant to be fun. Pleasurable. Joyful. Laughter, playfulness, delight. All of these aren’t side notes; they’re part of the design.
  

Talk About It—Outside the Bedroom

Hey, let’s be honest if this has been a sore spot (emotionally or physically), the bedroom is the last place to try and fix it.

You need room to breathe. So talk about it when there’s no pressure to perform; just to be present. Pick a place that puts you both at ease. A cozy corner of your home. A long drive. A walk where no one’s rushing you. This isn’t about having the perfect script; it’s about creating a safe space to be real with each other.

If you’re not sure where to start, use that emotions chart we mentioned earlier. It’s not cheesy; it’s practical. Sometimes it’s easier to point to a feeling than to explain it from scratch.

And please hear this: you don’t have to fix it all in one conversation.

You’re allowed to take this one step at a time.

This is a big topic, but it doesn’t have to feel overwhelming. Break it into smaller pieces. Talk a little, then come back to it later. Let it become part of the rhythm of your relationship something you revisit with curiosity, grace, and a desire to stay close, not just “figure it out.”

Because real intimacy starts with safety. And safety starts with honest connection. Remember it’s about mutual respect, honesty, and a willingness to engage.

Response:

Consider the questions below to guide your conversation. This is not about fixing—just listening, understanding, and moving toward each other.

• How are we really feeling about intimacy right now?
• What do we miss?
• What do we need?
• What would feel honoring, connecting, and life-giving to us?
• What steps do we need to take to re-engage in intimacy?
• Has having a baby become more important than pursuing and loving each other?
  

Take a few minutes to write down or make a note of your thoughts, insights, or phrases that felt meaningful as you talked.

Reflection:

• Do we view intimacy as something to be enjoyed or endured?
• Where has pressure or grief stolen our joy in this area?
• What would it look like to rediscover delight again, without guilt or shame?
  

In your note write honestly, without pressure about how you feel and where you hope to grow.

🛐 Prayer

God, thank You for the gift of intimacy. Help us to rediscover connection, not out of pressure, but from a place of love, grace, and safety. Restore what’s been lost. Heal what hurts. And remind us that sex is not a performance, but a beautiful part of how we love and honor each other. Amen.