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One of our biggest blowups as a married couple was over a sandwich. I wish I were kidding. Eric plopped down on the chair next to me, handing me the sandwich. One bite in, and it was so dry. Eric neglected to put mayo on mine because he didn’t think I liked it.
“What do you mean I don’t like mayo? Since when? Do you even know me?”
As quickly as the weather changes, so did the results of this thoughtful gesture from my husband. Because he felt attacked and I was defensive, something minuscule escalated to tears and silence—a whole day of not speaking to each other over a sandwich! What is wrong with us? I wondered.
By that evening though, we moved on and put the incident behind us. That is until we walked into our appointment with our counselor just a few days later. We told her we were doing well and mentioned our ridiculous sandwich tiff. She pressed in, asking questions about what happened. We answered and assured her we were past it.
She looked at us and firmly stated, “It’s not about the mayo!” which left us looking at each other, puzzled. We were like a pair of toddlers being schooled. She helped us identify that our fight wasn’t about the thing we were arguing over. It was deeper, an issue that couldn’t be seen but lived beneath the surface. The root of this conflict was my fear that my own husband didn’t know me, along with the even deeper root of feeling unseen and abandoned by others in my life.
Her questions and guidance in leading us to this realization are evidence that counselors are some of the best mirror holders—honest and compassionate people in our lives who safely reveal a true reflection of ourselves, including the unseen wrestling that takes place unconsciously within our souls.
When we neglect to find the root, we miss an opportunity to better ourselves and our relationships. Instead of suppressing, we need to remove the rotting, dead root in all areas of our lives. Before we can uproot it, we have to be aware that there is one and find a good mirror holder to guide us in discovering what it is and how we can dig it up. After all, it’s rarely about the mayo.
What are you afraid may be true about yourself? What unhealthy root needs removing in your life?
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What would your life look like if you knew and loved yourself as Christ loves you? The perfection we feel pressured to project from ourselves and for others comes at the expense of our emotional, spiritual, and mental well-being. Shift your focus from performing to purposeful living from the inside out. Soulful honesty between God and you always bring healing, so let’s embrace the confidence God's forgiveness and restoration offer.
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