7 Ways to Grow Your Marriage: Wife EditionSample

Today’s One Thing: Have a frequency talk together with the goal of your marriage winning!

Most couples say their sex fights usually center around frequency, and most say they can never come to a decision that works for both. Marriages are different, lives are different, sex drives are different, and schedules are different. You want to consider all that when deciding on your “normal.” What is realistic? Whether you decide to have sex once a week, twice a week, or twice a month, does that work for you both?

When we fight over frequency, our focus shifts, and we are no longer embracing the gift of sex in marriage as God intended. Your sex life will never be great until you quit arguing over frequency. But don’t miss this point: Frequency is not the issue. The issue is how you handle the frequency issue together. Every marriage goes through a lot of different seasons. What is the right frequency for you in your marriage in this season? Remember, you are not setting your normal for the rest of your marriage - only for this season.

As you begin the frequency conversation, I urge you to approach it with humility, empathy, and a desire to prioritize your spouse—not just your own preferences. In Philippians 2:3-4 (NIV), we are reminded to "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."

Listen to each other. Empathize with each other. Decide together on your frequency for this season and then evaluate it in a month. Think about it this way. If you are not fighting over frequency, what could that do for your sex life? What does it look like to live out this verse as you work on a frequency that serves you both? Your challenge today is to have frequent talks together with the goal of your marriage winning!

Prayer Focus: God protect me from serving my own interests only. Lead me away from the temptation to pursue vain conceit. Help me to live out humility in every area of my marriage, including our intimacy. God help us to have a good, productive conversation about sex frequency. Help us to be honest and to seek to understand each other. Give us unity in this area.

Reflection Question: What is your next step to finding unity in your marriage in this area of your marriage?