Learning to De-EscalateSample

Learning to De-escalate

By definition, de-escalation is the act of reducing the intensity, scope, or volume of something. It can also refer to using communication or other techniques to calm a potentially volatile situation. But from a biblical perspective, de-escalation means humility, forgiveness, and relinquishing your right to win—even when you’re right. It’s about extending to others the same grace and love that God has given to you.

It’s not easy, especially when you feel justified. Letting someone else “win” an argument or issue can be challenging, but it’s also liberating. Choosing not to escalate or take offense makes you more like Jesus, who, despite being beaten, lied about, humiliated, wrongly prosecuted, and crucified, never escalated the situation. He never used His power or influence for retaliation. We cannot find a better example than this.

Proverbs 15:1 gives us a valuable lesson: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” This sums up how we should act. Abraham also set a remarkable example in Genesis when he de-escalated a potential conflict with his nephew Lot over land and resources by offering a peaceful solution:

“So Abram said to Lot, ‘Let there be no strife between you and me, and between your herdsmen and my herdsmen, for we are brothers. Is not the whole land before you? Separate yourself from me. If you take the left hand, then I will go to the right, or if you take the right hand, then I will go to the left.’”

But are we that composed in our own conflicts? Often, what begins with good intentions can escalate into unnecessary fights. Why does this happen?