Help! I'm Not Good at ForgivenessSample

In my college years, you could have picked a lot of adjectives to describe me. Some of them are positive—passionate, confident, and friendly. But others are negative—arrogant, harsh, and judgmental. I don’t know anyone who would’ve used the word “merciful.”

One of my biggest challenges was not relating to God based on the forgiveness I had been given but rather the good things I was doing. It wasn’t until I realized the depth of God’s forgiveness and unconditional love for me that my “mercy muscle” grew.

In addition to humility and empathy, the third attitude forgiveness builds in us is mercy. When we recognize the depth of our forgiveness, our hearts transform, and a merciful attitude develops.

In the parable, both men owed debts. Those owed the debt had every right to call for debt payment. However, the man who received mercy for the forgiveness of his debt refused to give that same mercy to the man who owed him a debt.

Jesus opened his most famous sermon with a list of blessings. Near the beginning of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus stated, “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.“ Later in that sermon, during a section known as the Lord's Prayer, He taught His disciples to pray to be forgiven even as they forgave those who were indebted to them. Finally, after telling the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant, Jesus warned his audience about the outcome of the unmerciful servant’s refusal to forgive. “This is how my heavenly Father will treat you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

Jesus constantly connects the forgiveness we receive with the forgiveness we give and the mercy we receive with the mercy we give. Yet many of us struggle to accept that the person who hurt us receives mercy.We feel like the woman in that scene from the movie Amish Grace, which I referenced on the first day of this plan.

Is forgiving someone who wrongs those we love betraying our friendship? Many people refuse to forgive because they think their refusal shows that they value accountability.

However, refusing to forgive means something much worse. Refusing to forgive shows that we struggle to trust God to do His job and trust ourselves more than Him.

Pastor Craig Groeschel once said, “What you fear reveals where you trust God least.” When I’ve examined my refusal to forgive, I’ve often found fear. I’m afraid that accountability will not happen, and I’m even scared that God will not show them mercy. I want mercy from God for myself, but I don’t want it for them.

Several years ago, “Oceans” by Hillsong was one of the most popular songs for churches to sing on Sundays in America. There’s a line in the bridge section which includes a bold prayer.“Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders.”

We all have borders where we discover how much we trust God. For example, giving another person mercy and forgiveness might be a borderline for you.

Whether you’ve sung that song recently, perhaps God has answered that prayer by bringing you to this plan. You thought the question this plan would answer is, “How do I forgive them? But, now God may ask you, “Will you trust me with this?”

On the final day of this plan, we will explore that question further and consider what trust looks like in action.