Boundaries Are Blessings by Healthy by DesignSample

## Loving Others ### Devotion It would be easy to maintain our boundaries if we did not have to deal with others. * We would never be tempted if others were not eating tempting foods around us. * We would never emotionally eat because no one would ever make us angry or disappoint us. * We would exercise and prepare healthy foods because we could focus on ourselves and not have to meet everyone else's needs. If we're really honest with ourselves, we believe most of our challenges would go away if others would act right—if people would keep their mouths shut and not criticize or judge; if they would not question our motives; if they did not always need to have the last word; if they were more patient with us! Right? Except, God created us to be in relationship with others. As soon as He created us, He acknowledged that it was not good for us to be alone. He made us social beings that need each other to survive. God made this the second Greatest Commandment because we are created in His Image. We are His representatives and reflect His Love by loving others. When you do not love others, maintaining boundaries is difficult to impossible because: * We blame others for our shortcomings instead of taking responsibility for our own actions. * We get agitated and thrown off our boundaries by the actions and behaviors of others. * We get entangled in the affairs of others instead of handling our own business. * We judge others instead of shining the spotlight on ourselves (Matthew 7:1-3). * We use others as a measuring stick for our successes or failures and then struggle to live up to the impossible standards (James 4:1). * We end up serving man instead of God, which turns our hearts away from God (Galatians 1:10). Lack of love for others is confirmation that God still does not completely have your heart. You can't love God and not love His people. We know we "should" love others (1 Corinthians 13 has given us the perfect blueprint for how to love well), but we still don't do it. Let's get a better understanding of why we often don't love as we should and develop a strategy for beginning. ### We Don't Accept Others When we don't accept people as they are, we're constantly trying to change them and fix them. It makes sense. We don't want those we love to get hurt, so we try to get others to change their behaviors. We aren't sure we can help by telling someone that we're doing something for their own good if they do not want us to. Only when we accept people as they are and learn to let go of how we think they should be living their lives will we ever be able to truly love them. Just imagine if God refused to love us until we changed. " But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" ( Romans 5:8, NIV ). ### We Define Love Differently There's a powerful book called, The 5 Love Languages that teaches couples how to express and experience love in a way that truly matters. Most of us probably think we love other people well, but it's based on how we think we should love them. Based on our unique personalities and values, we all experience love differently. The Litmus Test of Love is when we love others in a way that they need to be loved. ### We Don’t Know How Loved We Are There's a quip that says, "You can't give away what you don't have." That's why it's so important to open our hearts and allow God to love us. Only He can teach us how to love well. When we receive His Love, we can love others without fear of hurt or rejection. We are judgmental and critical of others about the things which we are critical of ourselves. When we know that we are forgiven, then we can forgive others. "This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him" ( 1 John 4:9, NIV ). ### We Love From Our Past Narratives For many of us, our past is filled with pain and hurt. It's this pain and hurt that keeps us guarded and defensive. It's our past stories that keep us at arm's length from others to protect us from ever experiencing hurt again. But when we love from this place, it never feels right for the other person. Our relationships become more about not feeling pain instead of experiencing true Godly Love. It's also one of the reasons we're afraid to say "no" to others. We fear that they will stop loving us or judge us. Loving others means doing what is right instead of focusing on always protecting ourselves. As we continually give our hurts to God, He will heal us from the inside out, so we don't have to project them onto others. " Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another" ( 1 John 4:11, NIV). ### We Love With A Motive Attached Are we loving others with a motive or agenda, or is it out of humility and compassion? Giving, helping, and serving can often be confusing because we can sometimes get angry or resentful about how much we're doing. If you are not feeling freedom, gratitude, and love for what you're doing, then you need to check your motives. Chances are you're doing it with the wrong motivation. "just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” ( Matthew 20:28). As we learn to love others well, creating boundaries will not be so difficult. We won't feel guilty when we tell others no; we will learn to speak up when we feel our boundaries are being violated; we will learn how to ask for help when we need it, and we will learn to delegate tasks so we're not feeling overwhelmed. What does this have to do with your health and weight? How often do you eat emotionally because of how others made you feel or because you were so busy doing for others that you have nothing left for yourself? And you'll learn to take responsibility for your health instead of blaming others. As you learn to love others as Christ taught us, you'll stop feeding your feelings with food. ### Reflect 1\. Who do you blame (directly or indirectly) for why you're not as healthy as you could be? Or, maybe there is one person that you're always overdoing, over-giving, or over-extending yourself for. Surrender that person to God in prayer right now. 2\. Think of one person in particular where there is a breach in your relationship. Which of the reasons above can you attribute to why you do not love them as well as you could? 3\. How will loving others as Christ loved you help you to establish healthier boundaries? ### Worship and Prayer "Dear Lord, I want to love others well, but I must admit that I don't always know how to do that. Sometimes when I think I'm helping someone, they don't appreciate my help, and other times I'm too afraid to say no. I need boundaries with those I love, Lord, but I know that it starts with loving You with all my heart. So, I am here for You to teach me how to love others well. Help me love with no agenda, no motive, no resentment, and no expectation—just Pure Love from the goodness of my heart. When I invite You into my heart, I know that I have the patience and Grace that I need to love others as they deserve to be loved. I ask all of this in Your Name. Amen."