It Wasn't Supposed to Be This Way...

By Danny Saavedra

“Now the Philistines fought against Israel; the Israelites fled before them, and many fell dead on Mount Gilboa. The Philistines were in hot pursuit of Saul and his sons, and they killed his sons Jonathan, Abinadab and Malki-Shua. The fighting grew fierce around Saul, and when the archers overtook him, they wounded him critically. Saul said to his armor-bearer, ‘Draw your sword and run me through, or these uncircumcised fellows will come and run me through and abuse me.’ But his armor-bearer was terrified and would not do it; so Saul took his own sword and fell on it. When the armor-bearer saw that Saul was dead, he too fell on his sword and died with him. So Saul and his three sons and his armor-bearer and all his men died together that same day.”—1 Samuel 31:1–6 (NIV)

“You were the Chosen One! It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them! Bring balance to the Force, not leave it in darkness!”

It wasn’t supposed to be this way . . .

When Qui Gon Jinn and Obi Wan found a young Anakin Skywalker on Tatooine, I’m sure they never imagined this bright, optimistic, compassionate child would grow to become the menacing Darth Vader. And I have to believe that, over the years in that black suit and broken body, Anakin sometimes wondered, “How did I become this? This wasn’t supposed to be my life.”

In Return of the Jedi, as the Emperor unleashes his fury on Luke, Anakin—now Darth Vader—watches. And in that moment, something breaks. The mask cracks internally before it ever does physically. I imagine him thinking, “How did it come to this? How did I end up here?”And then he chooses redemption.

In a lot of ways, Saul’s life follows that same tragic arc. Like Anakin, Saul didn’t plan to fall. He didn’t set out to become the villain. When he was crowned king and filled with the Spirit of God, no one, including Saul, pictured his life ending like this.

I picture the last seconds of Saul’s life, the world moving in slow motion, his life flashing before his eyes, lamenting, “How did it come to this? How did I end up here? This wasn’t supposed to happen . . .”

But it did. The Philistines overtook Israel. Saul’s sons—including the noble and Christ-like Jonathan—were killed. Saul was wounded by archers. With no strength to fight and no hope of rescue, Saul begged his armor bearer to finish him off. When the man refused, Saul fell on his own sword. Alone. Defeated. Disconnected from the Lord.

Now, it would be really easy to read Saul’s story and scoff. But honestly, in my study of this story, I’ve come to feel sorry for him. And I realized that if I’m not careful, I can end up like Saul—so far off course, I no longer recognize myself. I know I’ve experienced jealousy, insecurity, and the pressure to please people rather than God. I’ve let pride drive decisions. I’ve let fear sit in the driver’s seat. All of us have the potential to follow Saul’s tragic trajectory.

That’s why it’s of vital importance we heed Jesus’ words in John 15:4–6 (NIV, emphasis added): “Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.”

This isn’t about paranoia. It’s about humility. It’s about walking with Jesus daily—not just when it’s convenient. It’s about guarding our hearts, refusing to coast, and staying rooted in truth. It’s about letting wise community speak into our lives, holding ourselves accountable, and continually reminding ourselves of who Jesus is and who we are apart from Him.

Now consider the words of the apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 3:12–15 (NIV), “If anyone builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, their work will be shown for what it is. . . .It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each person’s work. . . . If it is burned up, the builder will suffer loss but yet will be saved—even though only as one escaping through the flames.”

If we don’t keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, if we don’t remember to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Him daily (Luke 9:23), to walk humbly, to be sober minded, our legacies may be similar to Saul’s . . . a cautionary tale. If we’re truly saved, we’ll still end up in heaven, but our path will be filled with unnecessary heartache, heartbreak, and tribulation, “as one escaping through the flames.”

I don’t want that to be my life. I don’t want to scrape by. I don’t want to be someone else’s cautionary tale. I want to finish well and be found faithful, and I’m sure you do, too!

Now, what if you do fall? Friend, please know that it’s not too late. Until you breathe your last, you can turn back! Saul had chances to humble himself and turn back. Maybe he did in his final breath—we don’t know for sure. But what we do know is that in Christ, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9 NIV).

Pause: Have you found yourself drifting—slowly becoming someone you never wanted to be? Are there areas of pride, jealousy, compromise, or insecurity that have taken root in your life?

Practice:

·Reflect on any Saul-like tendencies in your own heart. Ask God to reveal where you’ve let pride or fear dictate your choices.

·Stay connected to Jesus. Make space daily for Scripture, prayer, and honest reflection.

·Build intentional accountability—Christian friends who will speak truth and walk with you.

Pray: Jesus, I don’t want to become someone I was never meant to be. Keep me humble, soft-hearted, and close to You. Help me see when I start to drift, and by Your Spirit, break me like the prodigal son so that in humility I may turn back to You! Thank You that no matter how far I fall, You’re still ready to forgive, restore, and lead me forward. In Your precious name I pray, Jesus. Amen.