Diapers, Pacifiers, and Other Holy ThingsНамуна

Good Girl

“Mommy, mommy! Megan is eating your plant.”

I poked my head into the living room. A mound of black dirt darkened the light carpet. Megan sat on top of the mound, chewing on a palm frond. Several branches lay scattered about the room.

She smiled at me, a sweet, dirty grin.

"Oh, Megan. Why did you do that?" I sighed. I unwound green leaves from her fingers and put her in her playpen where she could do no further damage.

Amanda climbed onto the stool by the sink and watched me repot what was left of the plant. Her brow wrinkled, deep in thought.

"Mommy, do you still love Megan?" Amanda asked.
"Of course," I said. "What makes you think I don't love her?"

"'Cause she was a bad girl for breaking your plant."

Hmmm. Amanda had concluded that good behavior equals love, but bad behavior equals withdrawal of love.

As a child, I wrestled with this idea. When I got good grades, cleaned my room, and shared my toys, adults freely poured out love. “You are such a good girl,” they would say. But when I bit my brother or talked back to my mom, I faced stern correction that implied, “you don’t deserve to be loved.”

Love was something you earned. I believed this because my experience proved it true. Perform well and everyone loved you. Screw up and cry alone.

For twenty-three years I worked to earn people's love. But as I read my Bible, God began to speak to me about a different kind of love, agape love, unconditional love. Not the kind of love that says, "I love you if..." Or "I love you when..." But the kind of love that says, "I love you." Period.

I couldn’t believe such a love was possible so I tested God's love for me. I did bad things, still He assured me, "I love you." I turned my back on Him, but He continued to love me. It seemed when I deserved love the least, God loved me the most.

Eventually, my resistance broke and I received His deep unconditional love. Oh how that love set me free! I longed for Amanda to experience unconditional love early in life so she would be spared the pain I felt as a child.

I looked deliberately into Amanda’s eyes and chose my words carefully.

"Honey, Megan did a bad thing. But that doesn't make her a bad girl. She is a good girl."

"But, Mommy, do you still love Megan?" she pressed.

Hmmm. Maybe if I tried another approach.

"Honey, even if Megan did the most terrible thing in the world, I would still love her," I said.

Unconvinced, Amanda contrived the worst crime she could imagine. "Would you still love Megan even if she ate cookies in her bed, and then wet in it?"

"Yes, Amanda. Even if she did that, I would still love her."

"Why?" she asked.

"Because I'm her mother."

For some reason, this answer satisfied her. Could it really be that simple... that love would always be there simply because of who I was?

Lesson over for Amanda, but not for me.

God is love. God loves me because love is who He is.

If I spent every waking moment exploring God's love for me, I'd still never know all its dimensions, never bump into a boundary. As Paul said, "I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have the power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ" (Eph. 3:16–18, NIV).

Two years have passed since my conversation with Amanda. I wondered, did Megan, who was now three years old, understand unconditional love?

"Megan, do you think I love you?" I asked.

Her face lit up. "Silly Mommy. Of course you love me."

"Why do you think so?"

She answered simply, "Because you just do."

Good answer. God's answer. To me and to you.

Reflection Questions:

1. According to Jeremiah 31:3, when will God stop loving you?
2. Read Romans 8:38–39. What is able to separate you from God’s love?

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