Painful Transitions

Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit.

Romans 8:5 NLT

I could hear the heartache behind the words as the stepdad of three told his story. After an extended absence from their lives, the biological father of his stepchildren surfaced and asked for a relationship with his teenage children. The stepdad had played a significant role in the children’s lives but was suddenly pushed aside into a dispensable position. His tears told the story of a hurt he couldn’t change.

Blended families experience transitions that traditional families don’t. A stepchild’s change of residence or upheaval in the other home from divorce, remarriage, relocation, or a new baby creates transition, often uninvited and unwanted. The climate in your home changes when noncustodial parents fluctuate the amount of time and energy they dedicate to their children. Without renewed effort toward harmony, relationships easily become embittered.

In our own family, my ex-husband reentered the picture after years of alcoholism and homelessness. I reacted angrily to his desire for a place in our children’s lives. Randy had loved and provided for my girls during my ex-husband’s absence, and he didn’t deserve to be pushed away.

After years of trying to control their relationships, I finally surrendered. I recognized that my girls needed to know more about their biological father. I agreed to a visitation arrangement with the man who had previously abandoned them, acknowledging that it was part of God’s plan. Thankfully, I watched a beautiful relationship with Randy and his stepdaughters continue to thrive.

If we seek to control circumstances we can’t change (such as relationship building we don’t like), we’ll find frustration and anxiety. If we choose to surrender and trust God with the outcome, we’ll find peace.

It takes courage to surrender to an unexpected and unwanted transition. But with God’s help, we can find peace, even during unsettling circumstances. The apostle Paul, writing from prison, said, “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through Him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:12–13).

Only when Christ’s strength guides our surrendered steps can we endure the pain and uncertainty that accompany unwanted transition.

Heavenly Father, transition is hard. Help me give up my desire for control and surrender to Your plan. Thank You that I can trust Your ways to be better than mine.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

When we choose to surrender instead of seeking to control, we find contentment during transition