Red Flags vs. Real Love: Discernment in Datingਨਮੂਨਾ

Day 3: Watch for Control, Not Care

Healthy love allows room for freedom. It nurtures, supports, and respects who you are as a person. Unfortunately, not all relationships reflect that. Sometimes, what’s packaged as “care” can quietly slip into control. If you’ve noticed someone always needing to know where you are, dismissing your boundaries, or pressuring you to cut ties with others, that’s not love. It’s a red flag.

Control doesn’t always look obvious at first. It might start small like them questioning why you want to spend time with friends instead of them. Or maybe they "suggest" you dress a certain way because they claim it’s “better for you.” At first, you might interpret this as care or concern, but over time, these patterns grow. Love shouldn’t feel suffocating or one-sided. When someone begins to isolate you, dictate your choices, or guilt you into things you’re uncomfortable with, that’s not the love God intended for you.

Look to the example of God’s love for you. His love is free of manipulation or control; instead, it gives you the freedom to choose Him and to grow in His grace. True love reflects this same freedom. A healthy relationship will celebrate your individuality while still fostering unity. It will protect your boundaries and encourage you to thrive — not shrink you down to fit someone else’s mold.

Sometimes, you may find yourself excusing controlling behavior as “intense love” or “just how they are.” But think about this — Jesus’ love for us is passionate, yet it always gives us space to think, decide, and grow. It never forces, never manipulates, and certainly never isolates us from others. Love that mirrors God’s design brings peace and freedom, not fear and anxiety.

Take some time to reflect on your relationship dynamics. Are you feeling respected and valued, or are you walking on eggshells, afraid to set boundaries? Is their “care” really about loving you well, or is it about keeping control? Be honest with yourself, and don’t hesitate to bring these questions to God in prayer. He will guide you toward clarity.

Remember Galatians 5:1: it’s for freedom that Christ has set you free. His design for love never feels like a burden or a cage. You were meant to experience a love that respects, uplifts, and draws you closer to Him, not one that tries to control or diminish you. Trust God to lead you toward relationships that reflect His heart. They exist, and you don’t have to compromise to find them.