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Summit Church
Not Good Pt 3 | Relationships Start with You | Jim Ladd
Lokasi & Masa
Summit Church
7200 S Clinton St, Centennial, CO 80112, USA
Ahad 10:00 AM
The Big Idea: There's only one person I am responsible for in any relationship.
Genesis 2:15ā17
āThe Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. And the Lord God commanded the man, āYou are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.āā
āThe Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. And the Lord God commanded the man, āYou are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.āā
Proverbs 4:20-27
āMy son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to oneās whole body. Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.ā
āMy son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to oneās whole body. Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.ā
Before God gives Adam someone to love, He gives him something to tend and a command to obey.
Adam is entrusted before Eve exists.
* Responsibility precedes relationship.
* Accountability is non-negotiable.
* Adamās first calling was stewardship, not partnership.
Adam is entrusted before Eve exists.
* Responsibility precedes relationship.
* Accountability is non-negotiable.
* Adamās first calling was stewardship, not partnership.
And, if everything flows from the heart, then relational chaos often begins with internal neglect.
* My inner life is my responsibility.
* Unguarded hearts are damage creators
* Health must be received from God and protected
* My inner life is my responsibility.
* Unguarded hearts are damage creators
* Health must be received from God and protected
Today, Three Things I Must Control:
My Judgmental Heart
My Personal Boundaries
My Obedience to Jesus
My Judgmental Heart
My Personal Boundaries
My Obedience to Jesus
1. My Judgmental Heart
Matthew 7:1ā6
āāDo not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. āWhy do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brotherās eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, āLet me take the speck out of your eye,ā when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brotherās eye. āDo not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.ā
Matthew 7:1ā6
āāDo not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. āWhy do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brotherās eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, āLet me take the speck out of your eye,ā when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brotherās eye. āDo not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.ā
Jesus doesn't just call for discernment; He forbids denial.
* Jesus places self-examination before confrontation.
* Clarity with others requires honesty with myself.
* Choose who gets access to your Pearls.
* Jesus places self-examination before confrontation.
* Clarity with others requires honesty with myself.
* Choose who gets access to your Pearls.
Stop waiting for others to change before you do. Ask:
What is God asking me to tend, confront, or surrender in myself?
Maturity is not perfectionāitās ownership.
Healthy relationships are built by people who say, āThis part is mine.ā
What is God asking me to tend, confront, or surrender in myself?
Maturity is not perfectionāitās ownership.
Healthy relationships are built by people who say, āThis part is mine.ā
2. My Personal Boundaries
Galatians 6:2ā5
āCarry each otherās burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.ā
Galatians 6:2ā5
āCarry each otherās burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.ā
The Apparent Tension
* v.2: āCarry each otherās burdens.ā
* v.5: āEach one should carry their own load.ā
At first glance, that sounds like Paul is arguing with himself. Heās not. Heās drawing a crucial distinction that mature relationships depend on.
* v.2: āCarry each otherās burdens.ā
* v.5: āEach one should carry their own load.ā
At first glance, that sounds like Paul is arguing with himself. Heās not. Heās drawing a crucial distinction that mature relationships depend on.
Two Different Words, Two Different Realities
1. āBurdensā (v.2)
This word refers to something heavy, crushing, overwhelmingāsomething a person was never meant to carry alone.
Think:
* Grief
* Sin that has trapped someone
* Suffering
* Trauma
* Seasons of weakness
1. āBurdensā (v.2)
This word refers to something heavy, crushing, overwhelmingāsomething a person was never meant to carry alone.
Think:
* Grief
* Sin that has trapped someone
* Suffering
* Trauma
* Seasons of weakness
Paulās point:
There are weights in life that require community. Love steps in. The church moves toward pain. This is how we āfulfill the law of Christāāthe self-giving love modeled by Jesus.
There are weights in life that require community. Love steps in. The church moves toward pain. This is how we āfulfill the law of Christāāthe self-giving love modeled by Jesus.
2. āLoadā (v.5)
This word refers to a personal pack, assignment, or responsibilityāsomething specifically entrusted to you.
Think:
* Your character
* Your obedience
* Your choices
* Your repentance
* Your faithfulness
This word refers to a personal pack, assignment, or responsibilityāsomething specifically entrusted to you.
Think:
* Your character
* Your obedience
* Your choices
* Your repentance
* Your faithfulness
Paulās point:
There are responsibilities no one else can carry for you. No amount of community can replace personal obedience.
No one can repent for you.
No one can obey for you.
No one can mature for you.
There are responsibilities no one else can carry for you. No amount of community can replace personal obedience.
No one can repent for you.
No one can obey for you.
No one can mature for you.
Paul is correcting two opposite relational failures:
Failure #1: Isolation
āI donāt need anyone.ā
Paul says: Wrong.
Some burdens are too heavy alone. Refusing help is not strengthāitās pride.
Failure #2: Entitlement
āOthers should carry what God assigned to me.ā
Paul says: Also wrong.
Community does not exist to excuse irresponsibility.
Failure #1: Isolation
āI donāt need anyone.ā
Paul says: Wrong.
Some burdens are too heavy alone. Refusing help is not strengthāitās pride.
Failure #2: Entitlement
āOthers should carry what God assigned to me.ā
Paul says: Also wrong.
Community does not exist to excuse irresponsibility.
Healthy relationships live between these errors.
Christian maturity is knowing the difference between what I must carry and what I must not carry alone.
* Immaturity avoids responsibility or avoids vulnerability
* Maturity practices both ownership and interdependence
Christian maturity is knowing the difference between what I must carry and what I must not carry alone.
* Immaturity avoids responsibility or avoids vulnerability
* Maturity practices both ownership and interdependence
This passage protects relationships from:
* Codependency (āIāll carry what isnāt mineā)
* Control (āIāll manage your obedienceā)
* Shame (āI shouldnāt need helpā)
* Blame (āThis is your faultā)
* Codependency (āIāll carry what isnāt mineā)
* Control (āIāll manage your obedienceā)
* Shame (āI shouldnāt need helpā)
* Blame (āThis is your faultā)
God is building a community where:
We help carry what is too heavy for someone, but we never carry what God has assigned to them to own.
We help carry what is too heavy for someone, but we never carry what God has assigned to them to own.
3. My Obedience to Jesus
James 1:19ā25
āMy dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in itānot forgetting what they have heard, but doing itāthey will be blessed in what they do. ā
James 1:19ā25
āMy dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in itānot forgetting what they have heard, but doing itāthey will be blessed in what they do. ā
I am successful when I am Obedient to God and His Word
God spells Discipleship F.O.L.L.O.W.
THE measure of Discipleship is always obedience
Doers, not hearers.
* Self-deception is the enemy of growth.
* Truth that isnāt practiced becomes distortion.
* Obedience is where freedom lives.
God spells Discipleship F.O.L.L.O.W.
THE measure of Discipleship is always obedience
Doers, not hearers.
* Self-deception is the enemy of growth.
* Truth that isnāt practiced becomes distortion.
* Obedience is where freedom lives.
C.S. Lewis
āIt is easier to say that the neighbor is a nuisance than to admit that I am not loving.ā
ā Mere Christianity
āIt is easier to say that the neighbor is a nuisance than to admit that I am not loving.ā
ā Mere Christianity
Response:
Own My Inner World
Stay in My Lane
Make Obedience My Highest Priority
Own My Inner World
Stay in My Lane
Make Obedience My Highest Priority
The greatest threat to my relationships is meāand thatās also the greatest hope, because Iām the one God invites to change.
Discussion Guide
Big Idea: Thereās only one person I am responsible for in any relationship.
Icebreaker Questions
1. Whatās one responsibility you learned āthe hard wayā in life that no one else could carry for you?
2. When you hear the phrase āguard your heart,ā what comes to mind firstāsomething emotional, spiritual, relational, or practical? Why?
Discussion Questions
1. Why do you think personal responsibility is a prerequisite for healthy relationships?
2. Proverbs 4:23 says everything flows from the heart. What are some ways an unguarded heart can quietly damage relationships?
3. Why is it often easier to see the āspeckā in others than the āplankā in ourselves?
4. Jesus places self-examination before confrontation. How can this change the way we approach conflict or correction?
5. Whatās the difference between discernment and judgment, according to Matthew 7?
6. Maturity is not perfectionāitās ownership. What does ownership look like practically in relationships?
7. What is one area where God might be inviting you to stop waiting for someone else to change and instead take responsibility yourself?
8. Galatians 6 talks about both carrying one another's burdens and carrying our own load. Why do you think healthy relationships require both?
9. How can confusing ābearing one another's burdensā and ācarrying our own loadsā lead to codependency, control, or resentment in relationships?
10. Whatās a healthy example of helping someone without carrying what God has assigned them to carry?
11. James says we deceive ourselves when we hear the Word but donāt do it. Why is self-deception so dangerous to spiritual and relational growth?
The greatest threat to my relationships is meāand thatās also the greatest hope, because Iām the one God invites to change.
Icebreaker Questions
1. Whatās one responsibility you learned āthe hard wayā in life that no one else could carry for you?
2. When you hear the phrase āguard your heart,ā what comes to mind firstāsomething emotional, spiritual, relational, or practical? Why?
Discussion Questions
1. Why do you think personal responsibility is a prerequisite for healthy relationships?
2. Proverbs 4:23 says everything flows from the heart. What are some ways an unguarded heart can quietly damage relationships?
3. Why is it often easier to see the āspeckā in others than the āplankā in ourselves?
4. Jesus places self-examination before confrontation. How can this change the way we approach conflict or correction?
5. Whatās the difference between discernment and judgment, according to Matthew 7?
6. Maturity is not perfectionāitās ownership. What does ownership look like practically in relationships?
7. What is one area where God might be inviting you to stop waiting for someone else to change and instead take responsibility yourself?
8. Galatians 6 talks about both carrying one another's burdens and carrying our own load. Why do you think healthy relationships require both?
9. How can confusing ābearing one another's burdensā and ācarrying our own loadsā lead to codependency, control, or resentment in relationships?
10. Whatās a healthy example of helping someone without carrying what God has assigned them to carry?
11. James says we deceive ourselves when we hear the Word but donāt do it. Why is self-deception so dangerous to spiritual and relational growth?
The greatest threat to my relationships is meāand thatās also the greatest hope, because Iām the one God invites to change.