MAKING FRIENDS IN THE MODERN WORKPLACE

I n t r o d u c t i o n

Have you ever been to a wedding or a party when someone asks, "So how did you know the bride and groom?" The answer always seems to fall flat – "Oh we went to school together."

or "We used to work at the same place."

or "We had a mutual friend."

It never accurately describes how the relationship developed. Friendships are mystical phenomena; it's hard to pinpoint exactly how they grow. In this study, we will spend some time reflecting on how to develop relationships in the modern (post-COVID) workplace.

B i g P i c t u r e

Developing relationships in the contemporary (post-COVID) workplace is more complex and difficult than before – but is also potentially more fruitful than ever.

B i b l e P a s s a g e

"One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." - Proverbs 18:24 (NIV)

"The purposes of a person's heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out." - Proverbs 20:5 (NIV)

K e y T r u t h s

Sharing Jesus in the modern (post-COVID) workplace has become harder; there's no escaping it. However, some key aspects remain the same. God is still the one who does the work of change in our colleagues' lives – and so prayer remains our primary tool.The spirit-empowered word of God remains our main strength.

So, what has changed?

We no longer work 4-5 days a week in the same office space with the same people. As many as 10% of Australia's workforce changed jobs during the COVID-19 pandemic. Many people reported that their friendship groups have shrunk. In short, we don't see as many people as frequently.

MANY OF US FEEL LIKE WE'RE STARTING FROM SCRATCH WITH A WHOLE NEW GROUP OF PEOPLE WITH WHOM WE'RE JUST NOT SPENDING AS MUCH TIME AS BEFORE. IT SEEMS JUST MUCH HARDER THAN EVER.

The good news is, people seem more open to relationships – or at least more open to more meaningful relationships. A recent company cultural study revealed that while some have embraced the advantages of remote working and don't want to return to the office, many expressed a strong desire to form work friendships. Even those satisfied with working exclusively from home were more likely than not to desire good work relationships. One in four workers listed good relationships with colleagues as a significant factor in their job satisfaction – higher than pay!

So with so many of us feeling like we're starting from scratch with people at work, how can we build relationships in post-Covid workplaces?

A p p l i c a t i o n

WHERE IS GOD WORKING?

While we usually focus on praying for people in our workplaces, it's worth taking a prayerful moment to discern how, where, and in whom God might be working around us. Is there someone God has brought across your path that you might have overlooked?

ATTRACTION

C.S. Lewis says, "Friendship is born at the moment when one man says to another. "What! You Too? I thought that no one but myself…"

We tend to gravitate towards people with whom we share similar outlooks and interests – this can happen instinctively, but often it can happen by accident. You notice they have a screensaver with their favourite team, hobby, or vintage airliner interest. They might mention in passing that they sew, hike, or are trying to learn guitar. What are they listening to on Spotify? What are they watching on Netflix? What are they reading?

These might be 'ins' to start a relationship.

HUMILITY AND CURIOUSITY

"Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don't." Bill Nye.

If we start from a point of love for others, we develop an essential interest in them – we discover how we can learn from them and understand what makes them tick.

• Good listening involves learning how to ask good questions.
• Use open ended, rather than closed-end (or yes/no) questions.
• Learn to utilise the key tools of any good interviewer – 6 words: what, where, how, why, when, and who.

BE A FRIEND

If we want to form friendships, we start by being a friend. We behave the way we want others to treat us. Draw people out, get behind them and celebrate them with others. I recall working with a Canadian man on a project – it was a high-pressure environment with tight deadlines and tensions between teams. This man would visit each team at least once a week – hear how things were going for us, discuss how we were essential to the project, try to understand our pressures, and encourage us to keep going. Here's the thing: I don't know if that was part of his job or not. He just genuinely expressed care and support for people as he met them. People warm to someone like that.

OPENNESS/VULNERABILITY

Relationships grow out of a mutual respect and trust. It takes time, effort, and resources. If life is full of church and family commitments, it will be hard to develop friendships at work. Are you open to developing friendships with work colleagues? Are you willing to show people the real you?

Sam Chan points out one of the paradoxes of building relationships - when you ask someone for a favour and put ourselves into their debt, it can actually help build relational trust.This means swallowing our pride and being vulnerable with others.

How can you be more vulnerable with work colleagues?

TIME SPENT TALKING AND LISTENING IN A THIRD SPACE

Relationships develop over time – recent research has suggested that close friendship can take 200 hours to grow. And that's not time merely in close proximity to one another. It's time to talk and listen – asking good questions. Usually, that happens best outside the physical workplace in a third space, such as a café down the street, the pub across the road, or a work-running or cycling group. One group of workers hired a personal trainer and invited colleagues to join them in a park at lunchtime, allowing them to develop relationships.

Where can we be intentional about booking out time with people? It could be towards a particular project – a community good or charity work. It could be it's not about achieving anything at all – such as Thursday night drinks.

What are some ways of spending non-work time with colleagues that you have seen work?

WHERE DO I START?

Have you noticed that you have gravitated towards particular people at work or theyyou? They may be a good place to start. Otherwise, perhaps you can pray a dangerous prayer

"Heavenly Father, please reveal to me the people you would have me share Jesus with in my workplace."

Be warned, God loves to answer that prayer.

Are you ready?

P r a y e r

Heavenly Father, please reveal to me the people you would have me Jesus with in my workplace.