Up to Something: Hope in DespairSýnishorn

Day 1 -

“Never been abandoned, never been forgotten by you.”

Have you ever felt really disappointed by God? Really confused by what He is doing?

We’ve been there - and even more so, so many people throughout God’s word have walked this path. I had started writing this devotional a few months ago but then, after a deep bout with depression - I scrapped it all to start re-writing it. How is that for vulnerability?

The song “Up To Something” by Red Rocks Worship (the song inspiring this devo) is one of encouragement & faith, yet the story behind the song actually started with disappointment. 4 writers sat in a room and they started talking about how they were actually doing - and disappointment was a large theme. And “Up To Something”, a declaration that God is indeed working, even when we don’t see it, became the theme of the day.

Why do we share this with you? Because it’s important to note that some of the most faith filled declarations come out of a season of deep exhaustion, fear, wounding, and disappointment.

One of our favorite stories in scripture that shows this is the story of Esther. So often, we focus on Esther’s triumph without focusing on the pain & confusion that she would have felt in that particular cultural context. We all know that Esther was told by her uncle Mordecai to keep her identity hidden and scholars have gone back and forth on why this is with some believing this was to make her seem ordinary, thus protecting her from being chosen - while some believe that this was to so that it would not ruin her chances of being chosen. Regardless of the true purpose - we do know that Esther had to hide her identity for quite a bit of time, living as a stranger in her own space.

We also know the fear that Esther would have felt with requesting the King to pardon her people, thus revealing her identity. This King’s last wife was murdered by his own doing, so how much would this knowledge be replaying over and over again in her mind?

I think we can safely assume that Esther would have spent a lot of time confused by God, forsaken by Him (and the traditions she loved), and ultimately afraid of what may happen if He didn’t intervene.

And yet, in her hour of need, Mordecai (her uncle) speaks these words to her: “And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14). What a declaration that God could be up to something!!

So, take a moment to pause and reflect on what God might be doing in your own life in the midst of disappointment, pain, or confusion. Is it possible that He, like He was with Esther, could be preparing you for such a time as this? Is it possible that He, indeed, is up to something? And if He is, is it possible that you will stand on the other side of this with even partial understanding as to His will and way?*

Possibly? Maybe? Absolutely?

God is up to something. May you rest in the waiting period and the tension while you look for understanding.

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*Note, anytime we write about purpose in pain or disappointment - it feels really important to say that there are some things in life that will never make sense - whether it’s abuse, grief, or life-threatening illnesses. We don’t want to stay and say that it will all be worth it in the end, because quite frankly - that probably doesn’t feel super true to you right now. So if that’s you and these words felt more discouraging than encouraging - we sit with you in the tension. God can still be up to something AND weeping alongside you in agony that it had to happen at all in this broken world. Both can be true. And you can feel however you need to feel and grieve however you need to grieve in this time. We are with you and love you.

- Essential Worship