Fear Gone WildEgzanp

It wasn’t always wild. No, my life was actually quite predictable—and good. Very good.

I had it all—the man, the kids, the beautiful home, and even the mom car. My future was full of vibrant colors, grand adventures, and wonderful purpose—until it wasn’t. When fear crept into our home, it dimmed the lights and swiftly spread like wildfire. Our peaceful home, our predictable life, our hopeful future, all set ablaze by mental illness. . . .

Andrew loved me and his boys deeply. He often spent his days off working on projects around the house. The ultimate handyman, he figured out how to change the switches in the bathroom to automatically turn on when we walked into the room; he ship lapped our entire entryway, put a sprinkler system in the front yard, and even installed laminate flooring all throughout our first home. If I wanted my house to look like one of Chip and Joanna Gaines’s, he would make it happen. I was incredibly proud of my man, and I was bold about sharing my feelings of pride and praise with others.

I want you to know my Andrew for who he was. This is the man I fell madly in love with. This is the healthy Andrew I wanted to grow old with, the man I chose to live out my forever with. When his mind was fit and strong, he would have never predicted his life would come to a sudden and tragic end by suicide at only thirty years old.

But it did. Mental illness came rushing into our world at full speed, and before we could even catch our breath, he was gone. How did we go from living our dream life to living our worst nightmare? There is so much I would do differently if I could do it all over again, and if Andrew were here, I’m confident he would do the same. . . .

We all need to hear this message. We all need to be better equipped and educated when it comes to mental health.

Today, right now, this moment matters. . . . One way or another, we will find our way again as we journey through the unexpected wilderness—not alone, but together.