I SurrenderNäide

When Believing Dies

No matter what we’re facing in life, reaching our lowest point can be a blessing when some aspect of us is dying.

When I was fighting to keep my business running, I remember throwing things across a small room. When I was done having my tantrum, I dropped down to the floor in despair. I was not only angry with God, but I also felt empty.

I felt as though I was losing everything. Things became murky and I didn’t know how to continue believing in a God that would allow me to fail. But today, I can see clearly now that one, I was not in God’s will, and two, my ambition was bigger than my God.

Scripture says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” —Proverbs 3:5-6

Faith is trusting God even when our expectations are not met, while maturity is responding to upsets and failures with confidence to say the quiet parts aloud, “…not my will, but yours, be done.” —Luke 22:42

Jesus had a custom of withdrawing himself to go off to pray. He and the disciples were on the Mount of Olives when He gave them a simple instruction to follow, something He had to say to them twice:

“…Pray that you may not enter into temptation.” —Luke 22:40

Why didn’t I know to do this? Praying that I may not enter into temptation seems so simple now, but could have saved me from entering an open door of considering atheism. We are tempted the most when we are weak and vulnerable, and this is where I was then.

When some aspect of us is dying, we should embrace it. The part of me that was dying was my control. God saw my heart and moved to refine me (see Proverbs 17:3). During this process, I had to let go of controlling my life as I once knew it.

It's time to reflect—Reflect or journal about a time when you were angry with God. Did you fail to seek God’s will for your life like I did? If given an opportunity to witness to others, what would you tell them about your story?

Let us pray:

Heavenly Father, I’ve been too afraid to give you complete control of my life. I’m afraid of experiencing hurt and disappointment. But trusting you is leaning not on my own understanding. Thank you for giving me strength as I face these times of uncertainty. I submit to you, Lord, giving you full control of my life. I praise you; I magnify you; and I glorify you. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.