Real Hope: ForgivenessNäide

True and False Forgiveness

Forgiveness is hard enough without having to struggle with common misunderstandings of it. When I forgive, I don’t excuse or dismiss or take lightly the words or acts of the other person. If a crime is committed against me, I can both forgive the perpetrator and testify against them in court. Forgiveness doesn’t let the person off the hook in such cases: it just means I don’t do the punishing of the act.

Forgiveness is always in the form of an offer. If it is accepted, there can be reconciliation between the parties. But if the offer is refused, then there can be no reconciliation. Not even a gracious God can be reconciled with everyone. An offer of forgiveness involves one person. Reconciliation has to involve two people.

Basically, forgiveness means not letting a deep, unfair hurt done to you lead you to either think or act vengefully. It hurts because it faces the hurt rather than avoiding it. It may involve a personal encounter, but if the person is not around anymore, then it has to happen internally. It may well take time: forgiveness is often a process, not an event. We may have hiccups along the way.

Forgiveness does not always mean we live happily ever after. Human beings don’t always act and speak wisely, and some hurts and some estrangements may remain. But taking the initiative, and taking those hesitant and painful first steps on the journey, can mean we are enabled to go on being set free. We are no longer defined by those who have wounded us, but by the God who has graciously forgiven us.

Written by DAVID REAY