When You Feel Like Roommates: 4 Day Plan to Help You Love (And Like) Your Spouse for Lifeنموونە

Are you physically affectionate?

There was probably a time before getting married when you couldn’t keep your eyes off your beloved. You cuddled constantly, kissed, and held hands. Now days could go by without a kiss, not even a short kiss on the cheek!

There is only one person on earth that you can be physically intimate with. Whether you are withholding affection on purpose or you’ve just slowly drifted apart, your marriage needs you to be physically connected and responsive to your spouse to thrive.

If you have children, your physical intimacy can take a major hit. It can feel selfish for a husband to ask for affection when his wife has been tugged on and tackled by kids all day. A wife may be embarrassed to ask her husband to be intimate; she wants to be desired. Close couples make sex a safe topic to bring up.

To revive affection, start with eye contact. Imagine what would happen if you looked at your spouse half as much as you looked at your phone. It would be a love revolution! Look at each other while you’re talking. Take a few extra seconds to stare at your spouse across the room and smile. Face your spouse, hold hands and say, “I love you now and forever.” You can transition from roommates back into lovers in less than one minute.

People who are only roommates don’t hold hands, kiss, or make love. If you’re feeling distant from your spouse, the simple act of kissing can do wonders. More than 20 years into our marriage, James and I learned about initiating desire and receptive desire for sex. I like to think of it this way:

Initiating desire - Come on, baby, I’m hungry for you! Anytime is a good time!

Receptive desire - You’re game? Okay, I’m game too. Let me change gears and get on board!

Most women have receptive desire, which explains why many women don’t initiate sex, leaving their husbands feeling rejected. Accepting how your spouse is wired leads to less guilt and misunderstandings, more serving one another, and better sex. The Lord has given you to each other to bless each other with your bodies.

It’s funny that the physical attraction that got us to say “I do” in the first place can change from fireworks to hardly a spark. Wherever you fall on that continuum, physical connection is not an option. So look into your spouse's eyes, hold hands, and kiss for more than five seconds today.

Prayer:

Lord, we know marriage and sex are Your ideas. We want to be closer together as husband and wife, and we need Your help. May we have desires only for each other, and may we delight in each other and find comfort and pleasure together. Give us open minds and hearts to talk about sex. We don’t want to give the enemy a way to divide us. We ask for Your will to be done in our physical affections. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.