When You Feel Like Roommates: 4 Day Plan to Help You Love (And Like) Your Spouse for Lifeنموونە

Do you like or tolerate your spouse?

My son went to college and immediately hit it off with his roommate. They became best friends. I knew others who went away to college and didn’t like their roommates. They had a vastly different and worse experience than my son.

When you got married, you picked a roommate for life–your favorite person on the planet, to be exact. It required no effort to like your spouse in the early days. But after time, you begin noticing the negative more than the positive. If you’re not careful, contempt and disrespect creep in. Instead of liking your spouse, you find yourself tolerating your spouse.

None of us enjoys being with people who tolerate us. We enjoy people who like us. Nowhere is that more apparent than in marriage. So, how can you like your spouse more and transform your roommate status back into best friend and lover status, talking to each other like Solomon and his bride in the Song of Solomon?

-Keep a gratitude journal. Write down one thing you appreciate about your spouse for the next four days. You collect what you inspect. As you look for good things in your spouse, you will find more and more of them.

-Humble yourself before God. Many times, we are waiting for our spouses to change, and we think that will make everything better. But real change begins within us, as we seek God’s will for our marriage and ask Him to soften our hearts towards our spouses.

-Compliment your spouse. Maybe it’s been a while since your spouse has heard any praise from you. Words of appreciation and recognition can melt ice caps in marriage. It’s the little things we can take for granted-packing a lunch, paying a bill, or taking time to look attractive. Who wouldn’t enjoy having someone who noticed and appreciated these things?

Beware of the spirit of entitlement that says, “I deserve better.” Self-pity is the road to nowhere. Instead of thinking “I have to be married to this person,” think “I get to be married to this person.” Does your perspective need a bit of adjustment? Your spouse isn’t your roommate. Your spouse is the love of your life.

Prayer:

Jesus, what a wonderful gift You have given me in my spouse. I give You thanks for Your unfailing love and mercy towards us every single day. Help me to look at my spouse with new eyes of appreciation. I know we are better together than we are apart. I know we are much more than roommates. Help our love for each other to grow. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.