I'm Just a Guy: Raising a Son(s)نموونە

Dad First - Friend Later

The line between father and friend can be one of the most difficult to navigate when raising a son. Thankfully, my dad showed me that faithfully walking in the role God gives you can bear tremendous fruit.

Growing up, there was never any question about who led our home. And yet, it never felt like a dictatorship. I watched my mom respect him as a man, and in turn, he treated her with love and care.

Looking back, I remember moments when he stopped my plans—and at the time, it didn’t feel very loving. The local ballfield was where many of those lessons played out. It was the quintessence of a small-town park. I can still smell the hot dogs, recall the laughter in the dugout, and feel the thrill of standing on the mound under the lights, as if I were pitching in a big-league stadium.

My dad was always a head coach, while many parents saw practices and games as free babysitting. Not him. He saw them as opportunities to pour into me and my brother with everything he had. He studied books, ordered VHS tapes (yes, they really existed—Google it), and somehow, I never once felt I had an advantage in playing time or treatment. That’s because there was none.

There were nights when I struggled on the mound—couldn’t find the strike zone, got rattled—and he’d make that slow walk toward me. I’d plead my case, but his mind was set, and the reliever would take over. Looking back, I know it was as hard for him to pull me as it was for me to accept it.

Now, after being a dad for quite a while, I get it. While it’s nice when my decisions align with my kids’ desires, the reality is, it rarely happens. I recognize that the call God placed on my life as a father means setting aside any desire to be liked or to always be their friend.

There will be a time for that transition. For me, it came during my senior year of college. He was still my dad, but we entered a new chapter where the primary training was complete and friendship could flourish.

My encouragement to you: despite what the world sells, your primary calling is to be your son’s dad above all else. It will cause friction. It will spark tempers. But the alternative—a young man unrestrained and convinced the world revolves around him—is far worse.

It strikes me that if I make decisions based on momentary ease at home, I risk creating a friendship with my son when I should be establishing boundaries as his father. But if I allow the friction, accept the tempers, and hold firm to those boundaries, I won’t just be setting standards for our home—I’ll be shaping a persona that can function in the world and preparing the way for a lifelong friendship when the time is right.

Scripture reminds us to take the prudent path now so we can enjoy the harvest later. There will be plenty of time to be his friend. For now, simply be his dad.

Reflection Questions:

• When have you chosen discipline over being liked?
• How do you prepare your son for hard decisions?