Honest With God: Finding Healing and Wholeness Through the PsalmsНамуна

My heart was racing as I pushed a paddleboard away from the rocky shore of Glacier National Park. For years, I'd watched others glide effortlessly on social media videos. At the same time, I remained safely on shore, paralyzed by the fear of falling and looking foolish in front of strangers.

That evening in Montana, the water stretched before me like polished glass. The air was cool, and the sky was filled with the pinks and purples of a breathtaking sunset. My wife decided to lose herself in a novel back at our campsite. So, no more excuses and no more delays.

My first twenty minutes on the water were pure magic! I found my rhythm, with my confidence growing with each stroke of the paddle. This moment was everything I had dreamed paddleboarding could be.

As I glided past my launch point, I decided to continue my unexpected success and paddle out even further. However, the inevitable happened. One moment, I was standing tall on the board; the next, I was plunging into the water. As I scrambled back onto the board, I discovered that my surprise tumble had taken place at the only spot where there were onlookers along the shoreline.

Sitting on my board, soaked and shivering, my cheeks burning with embarrassment. The familiar voice of self-condemnation began its assault: "See? This fall is exactly why you avoided paddleboarding for years. You should have quit while you were ahead, instead of making a spectacle of yourself."

As I paddled toward the last patch of sunlit water to warm myself, something unexpected happened. Beneath the harsh criticism of my own voice, I heard another voice, but this one was gentle and patient, filled with compassion rather than condemnation.

"Scott," this voice seemed to say, "you've been terrified of falling and failing your entire life. You're trying to be perfect as a pastor, a husband, a father…and that's impossible. Your anxiety and insecurity have robbed you of countless moments I wanted to share with you, moments just like this beautiful paddle."

As I closed my eyes and took deep breaths on the water that night, I knew that some things in my life needed to change. Trying to be perfect had been exhausting. Seeking to control everyone and everything had cost me more than I wanted to pay. I needed God’s help to heal and grow in a way I’d never been able to on my own.

That night, my prayer resembled the words of King David in Psalm 139:23 NIV. “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.”

I invite you to go on this 30-day journey with me! Your journey to wholeness doesn't begin with perfection. It starts with honesty – bringing all of who you are into a relationship with the God who already knows and loves every part of you.

If you want me to pray for you by name during this 30-day journey or you need a jumpstart, click here for complimentary access to my companion guide for this plan.