The Yes That Changes Everything

The picture I can't bear to look at

It's early morning and you're breathing peacefully. The fever has completely disappeared. But I'm here crying like I've never cried in my life. Because I'm holding the picture that breaks my heart more than all the others.

You at eighteen years old, standing in front of the house door. Two suitcases at your feet. Eyes shining with that terrible mix of excitement and terror that all kids have when they're about to leave the nest. Behind you, the college that awaits you. In front of you, an entire life to write.

And me, who for the first time can no longer protect you from what's coming.

"Do you see this moment, little one?" I whisper while tears streak my face. "This is the day life will ask for your first real 'yes.' And you'll discover that saying 'yes' to God means saying 'yes' to the unknown."

And you'll discover it's the most frightening and most beautiful thing in the world.

The picture comes alive and I relive that day that will terrify me for years. I see you loading the car with daddy, pretending to be ready while I pretend to be strong. I see you checking for the tenth time that you've taken everything, when really you're just postponing the moment to leave.

And then the moment comes.

Not a dramatic event. Something more subtle but more powerful. While you're loading the last suitcase, you stop and look me in the eyes.

"Mom, I feel it."

"What do you feel, sweetheart?"

"That this isn't my path. College, the route we've planned... I feel that it's not what God wants for me. Not now."

And you'll look at me with those eyes.

Those eyes that will ask me: "Mom, what do I do?" But that deep down already know the answer. Because when God calls you, something inside you recognizes His voice even when your mind screams it's crazy.

"But you're eighteen! College! Your plans! Security! What will everyone say?" I'll say, with a mama's heart that wants to keep you safe.

And you'll tell me about Mary.

Mary who was your age when the angel appeared to her. Mary who had her plans, her dreams, her life perfectly mapped out with Joseph, in the safety of Nazareth.

Mary who was told: "You will conceive the Savior of the world." (Luke 1:31, NIV)

Imagine, little one. An angel appearing to you and telling you that your life - the one you had imagined quiet and normal - is about to become the most extraordinary story ever told.

But also the most frightening.

"How will this be?" Mary asked. She didn't say "no". She asked "how". Because when God calls you, the question is never "if" but "how".

And when the angel explained to her that nothing is impossible with God, Mary did the most courageous thing in the history of humanity:

"I am the Lord's servant. May your word to me be fulfilled." (Luke 1:38, NIV)

An eighteen-year-old "yes" that changed eternity.

A "yes" that meant: "I don't understand everything, but I trust." A "yes" that meant: "I give up my plans for Your plans." A "yes" that meant: "Even though I'm young, even though I'm scared, even though I don't know how it will end... here I am."

Little one, when that day you look at me with the phone call still burning in your ear, when you ask me what to do with this calling I didn't expect, I'll take your hands and tell you what I know:

God never asks you to do something He hasn't prepared you for. He's given you eighteen years of life, family, love to build the foundation on which to construct the miracle He has in mind for you.

"I am with you" doesn't mean "I'll keep you safe from every risk". It means "whatever risk you take for me, we'll take it together".

And when you finally say that "yes" - I know you'll say it, because I know your heart - when you say "Mom, I have to follow what I feel inside", it won't be the end of my dream as a mother.

It will be the beginning of God's dream for you.

Do you know what will happen when you choose to follow your calling instead of expectations, little one? You'll discover who you really are. You'll discover you have talents you didn't know you had, passions no one had ever helped you notice. You'll wake up every morning knowing that your life has a purpose so big it takes your breath away.

And one evening, while you look back at that choice everyone called "risky," you'll understand what it meant for Mary to feel inside her the life of Jesus growing.

You'll understand that saying "yes" to God isn't losing your life. It's finding it.

Like Mary, who thought she was saying goodbye to her dreams and instead had just said "hello" to her destiny.

That night, before leaving, I'll see you pray for the first time since you were a child. And I'll hear your words: "Here I am, Lord. I don't know what awaits me, but I know You are with me."

And I'll cry. Not from pain. From pride. Because I'll have seen my son transform into a man who knows how to say "yes" to the impossible.

Sleep, little brave one.

Tomorrow I'll tell you about that time when you'll be twenty-five years old and have to decide whether to trust when everything seems to be going in the wrong direction.

--Mama who knows that "yes" to God is always "yes" to real life