No Elevator to EverestНамуна

Spirit-Led Self-Awareness

Theologians have said for centuries that the journey of faith consists of two parts: knowing God and knowing self. This makes sense when we consider that the God of the universe created us for a loving relationship with Him. We are image bearers. We uniquely reflect His glory. Therefore, as a creation of the Most High, we are worth knowing.

Yet, many of us have been taught that we cannot trust ourselves. We have said, “Knowing God is what matters.” In fact, we view most of the thoughts, feelings, and internal monologues that flit across the movie screen of our consciousness with distrust and even disgust.

And yet we are promised the living Spirit of God, sent by the Father and the Son, to dwell within us. This sets up a tension. We want to avoid that interior place, which we might call “within us.” That is where the self resides, and we can’t trust that. Yet it is also where the Spirit resides.

In my own life, I’d been taught that to “know me” was not important. But this meant I didn’t know how to bring myself—my full self—to the Lord. The Lord wanted to bring light and life to all parts of me, but I had deadbolted the door against myself ever going there. Which locked Him out, as well. I didn’t know how to ask for, much less actually practice, something like, “Search me, O Lord, and know me” (Psalm 139:1). It has only been in recent years that I began the journey of what I’ve come to call Spirit-led self-awareness.

We read in Scripture that we are temples of the living God (1 Corinthians 6:19). Recently I stayed at a hotel that had long hallways branching off the lobby in every direction. Down each hallway were rows of locked doors, one after another. I imagine our inner “temple” this way. The Spirit is in the lobby, but we won’t let Him anywhere near the locked doors of our heart. The irony is that only the living power of the abiding Spirit can bring true light to bear in our darkest places.

God, You have created me in Your image, beloved and worthy of knowing. Yet I hide myself from You. Help me to trust that Your Spirit, dwelling in me, is a light that brings healing. Search me, O Lord, and know me. Amen.