Build the 5 Relationships You Really NeedНамуна

The ecosystem of your soul needs a circle. Jesus had a clear circle of twelve disciples. This is his most obvious realm of relationship through the gospels. Because he did life with them all the time, they’re in all his stories of travels, miracles, interactions, and down time. When you identify your circle, they’ll also be the friends who are inside your weekly places and daily activities— job, parenting responsibilities, studies, hobbies at your home, workplace, coffee shop, or gym. Adult friendships can seem nearly impossible if they have to be something extra you add on to everything else you’re doing. Like Jesus had in his disciples, these are the friends on the inside of all that stuff.

Affinity is important for your circle. The twelve disciples were also “those he wanted” (Mark 3:13, my emphasis). There must have been a significant element of personal affinity if Jesus wanted to be around them. Besides liking someone, a circle has to actually do something for the development of these connections. Jesus knew this very well when he sent his twelve disciples out in pairs in Mark 6 to work together. This created the opportunity for them to discover more about each other, deepening connections as they faced challenges and victories.

The size of the circle in the life of Jesus is evidence of a divine relational design for all of us. Not only is the number twelve found in Scripture, but it’s also verified through modern psychological and relational research that suggests a threshold for circle-like friendships is around fifteen. Social media has fooled us into thinking we can develop more friendships than we are designed to hold with regularity and integrity. Jesus kept a core of three that was part of a circle of twelve total.

Circle friends are not essential for survival, but they are essential for thriving. You can make it without a strong circle, but they are part of God’s gift for your daily life. Developing a circle gives you the day-in, day-out support and delight you were made to have.

Take the time right now to jot down the name of anyone you see weekly with whom you might want to develop circle-like connection. Ask God for the chance to do this and one idea to start.