Thriving the Holidays: Practical Hope for Families of AddictsНамуна

What sorts of boundaries do you have set for the holidays?

Last time we talked about our expectations for the holiday season. I hope you took some time to think through some realistic expectations for the upcoming holidays and are beginning to communicate those to family members and friends.

Today I want to focus on boundaries. We may be celebrating a special holiday that only comes once a year, but we don’t have to loosen our boundaries for that day. It’s actually the opposite: we must continue to have firm and intact boundaries. Boundaries protect yourself, bring peace back to your life, and allow your needs to become a priority for your life. Remember to communicate your boundaries with others prior to the holidays, and remember there is no need to defend, debate, or explain your feelings. If you are faced with resistance, repeat your boundary.

That said, we must also remember to respect the boundaries of others. Our loved ones in recovery may have boundaries to protect their sobriety, and it is not our job to question those boundaries. Other family members may have boundaries about not wanting to be around their loved one who is addicted to drugs or alcohol (whether sober or not); once again we must honor that boundary and not debate it with them.

The holidays this year may just have to look and feel different. We must learn to accept that, release certain traditions that might need to be let go, and seize this opportunity to begin new traditions. What is one new tradition you can begin this year?

Take some time today to think about what boundaries you have in place for the holidays. What happens if those boundaries are crossed? Have you communicated your boundaries?

Here are a few tips from those in recovery for families to know as they approach the holidays being clean and sober:

• Communicate with your loved one. Ask them about their boundaries and possible triggers. “What are some ways I can help you make sure you feel safe and confident in your recovery?”
• Again, respect their boundaries, even if you don’t understand them. They have them for a reason. Don’t argue with or question them about it.