Hope and Healing for Single Momsනියැදිය

RESPOND: CREATE NEW WAYS OF BEING

Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Mindful Minute

As a single mom, your parenting journey might have started in a committed relationship. You never anticipated being a solo parent. It wasn’t the ending you imagined.

The end of this significant relationship caused so much pain and heartbreak, it might feel hard sometimes to breathe. The heartbreak you are experiencing is real, and the series of events leading up to it created anguish. Because of this, you created a methodology of coping. It is a reaction to a story that you believe about the events that led to your situation.

Maybe the story is “I can’t trust anyone anymore” or “I will never be in a relationship again” or “I can’t do this alone” or “I’m not lovable” or “God let me down” or “I’m not enough.” These stories turn into unending mantras in your mind that create reactions in you that you know don’t align with your faith or who you want to be.

When you look back over past weeks, months, even years, do you feel you’ve been going through the motions while not being fully engaged in life? Is your thinking fuzzy? Are there patterns of responses to discomfort that resemble fight, flight, freeze, or please?

If this describes you, know you are not alone. God designed your brain to help protect you and adapt to circumstances when you face fear of unknown or unexpected circumstances. You were created with a brain that immediately shifts into life-saving action when you feel you are in danger. When faced with real danger (think saber-toothed tiger), logical thinking goes out the window and you will default to one of four responses (fight, flight, freeze, or please).

Your situation created something in you that creates fear of outcomes. The fear is rooted in protecting yourself from feeling the pain of your past again. What is your go-to automatic response when confronted with alarming circumstances? While all four responses are available, often one serves as home base.

Of the four possibilities, one response may have provided better results than the others. For instance, removing yourself from the danger in the form of flight may be a successful coping strategy. In the case of a volatile person, shifting into pleasing to pacify and reduce aggression is a common option. You may become Mama Bear and fight against a situation that potentially puts you or your children at risk. Feeling overwhelmed and afraid to make a wrong decision, perhaps you freeze.

When a home base reaction is established and practiced repeatedly, new neural pathways are created and it becomes an automatic response, one that you may feel you have no control over anymore. The thinking part of the brain is offline and an automatic response to protect yourself is engaged. During seasons of great pain, your brain may build strong survival pathways. These can sometimes make you feel anxious, forgetful, overwhelmed, or even stuck in negative thinking, not because you are broken, but because your brain is working hard to protect you.

To heal from our broken hearts, it is important to recognize these patterns that we have developed. Slow down before responding. We need to look up and trust that God will provide another way out to heal our broken heart. We can practice those things to create new ways of being and new neural pathways.

Jesus understands. He knows how your body works, and he is aware of how your heart has been betrayed, broken, or bullied. Most of all, Jesus has felt these things as well while He was here on earth. He came to provide hope and healing. He came to have mercy and compassion for you. He came to restore you. Trust that He is with you and He will walk with you through this because He heals the broken-hearted.

Prayer

Heavenly Father, thank You for seeing the pain within me. I trust as I walk with You through this, You will heal my broken heart. Thank You for Your grace and mercy as I focus on pausing and responding with trust that You will guide me through this. In Jesus’ name, Amen.