Restoring Your Soul - Living a Limitless Lifeනියැදිය

Letting Down the Walls

Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend co-authored a book entitled It’s Not My Fault. In it, they suggest that there are two types of change: change of approach and change of outcome. In their words, “When you do change your approach, you receive, in turn, a change of outcome. The one is the key to the other … We all would like life to be different and better; there’s little fear or risk in wanting that. But the potential for a changed life is enormously great for those who choose to change what they are doing.”

A change in outcome isn’t possible unless we first choose to change our approach. Restoring our souls through renewing our minds, submitting our wills, and healing our emotions requires us to step away from old patterns. If we keep doing things the way we always have, we cannot expect a different result.

The first step to becoming authentic and open to really healing the wounds that keep our souls from being restored is to remove our blinders and be honest about how we self-protect and defend our hearts.

We begin to get honest by admitting we are not okay. My friend Nelson, whom I mentioned in Day 1, was the perfect example of needing to be honest with himself to strip away his defense mechanisms and be truthful about what was causing his depression, to receive the restoration and joy that he experienced.

Regardless of circumstances and our natural tendency to use defense mechanisms for self-protection, we need to be willing to be honest with our own hearts and ourselves.

There are many forms of defense mechanisms. Here are the definitions of a few common ways we dishonor ourselves and our relationships:

1. Denial — “a defense mechanism in which confrontation with a personal problem or with reality is avoided by denying the existence of the problem or reality”
2. Minimizing — “to underestimate intentionally: play down/soft pedal"
3. Justifying — “using excuses or justification for your decisions and behaviors”
4. Intellectualizing — “analyzing the situation, looking for causes to avoid responsibility for the problems your decisions caused”
5. Blaming — “accusing other people, things, or circumstances for your decision and behavior”
6. Diversion — “changing the subject or dodging issues regarding the situation”
7. Avoidance — “staying away from events or people that would confront you or cause you to admit your decision or behavior is creating pain or issues”
8. Becoming Hostile — “defending yourself, becoming angry, or making threats against those who accused or you perceive are accusing or confronting you"

Defense mechanisms may feel safe in the moment, but they trap us in cycles of pain. Freedom comes when we face the truth about our past, our experiences, and our emotions.

God sees through denial; honesty before Him is the only way to true healing. Denial keeps us deceived, but confession restores us. Denial or pretense harms community, but honesty builds trust.

Healing flows from honesty with God, with ourselves, and with others we trust. When we bring truth into the light, shame, fear, and rejection all lose their power.

David was a perfect biblical example that reveals how denial (“covering up”) kept him in torment, but honesty brought him freedom.

I Invite You to Ask Yourself:

1. Is there something in your past or present that you’ve minimized or denied?

2. Write out an example of how you have used each of the above defense mechanisms

3. What would it look like to bring those things into the light?

4. Who is a safe person you could consider being vulnerable with?

5. What do you fear might happen if you’re sincere?

I Invite You to Pray:

Jesus, give me the courage to see and admit the truth. Help me to be honest with myself, with others, and with You. Where I’ve been hiding in denial or using any defense mechanisms to protect myself, shine Your Light to illuminate those areas where I need You to set me free. In Jesus' Name, Amen.