From Hiding to Healing: Trade Unworthiness for God's Love and Break Shame's Power Over Youਨਮੂਨਾ

Have you ever made a mistake so painful that you couldn't bear to tell anyone about it? Perhaps you're carrying a secret that makes you feel unworthy of love or acceptance. Maybe you’re feeling like you want to hide.

What is the whisper that says, “You're broken beyond repair?” That feeling has a name - shame. Shame is one of the most powerful emotions we experience; it does more than make us feel bad. Shame isolates us from the very relationships we need most. I've been there myself, and my journey with shame began when I was just 20 years old.

In the middle of my college career, I got an unbelievable job offer. My boss asked me to name my salary. I shot high, and he agreed immediately. I kicked myself for not asking for more!

I worked 40 hours a week plus 15-20 hours of overtime. For a 20-year-old, I was making more money than I knew what to do with. Because I had that income, I developed spending habits that matched it. I was dating a girl I wanted to impress, so I started charging more to my credit card.

Before online billing, my credit card statements were mailed to my parents' house, and they would send them to me. One day, my mom opened my bill to check the due date and was shocked by the amount. She called to ask if I needed financial help. I was embarrassed and told her not to look at my mail again.

I was still paying off my monthly balance, but soon I started accumulating credit card debt. When I married a few years later, I was $10,000 in debt.

During those years, I couldn't bring myself to tell my parents about my financial situation. My parents had managed money exceptionally well despite my dad's modest pastoral salary. As I sank deeper into debt, I felt overwhelming shame. I believed they would reject me if they knew how badly I was failing financially.

That is the essence of shame. We feel unworthy of love and belonging because of what we've done or failed to do. This profound sense of unworthiness drives wedges between us and those we love.

Dr. Brené Brown defines shame as "the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging." There is a partial truth here: we are all flawed and imperfect. That's part of the human experience.

But shame (like most sins) tells only half the story. Jesus's cross announces that while we are flawed, we are profoundly worthy of love.

It is essential to distinguish between shame and guilt. Guilt is about what we have done. When you do something wrong, feeling guilty is a healthy response. Guilt says, "I did something bad."

Shame, however, is about who we are. The voice of shame doesn't say, "I did something bad." It says, "I am bad and therefore unworthy of love and belonging." Guilt convicts us; shame condemns us. When you feel guilty, you can take responsibility. When you feel shame, you withdraw because you feel unworthy.

Here's the first essential truth I want you to consider: shame lies to us, driving us away from life with God.

Where do you feel shame today? What relationships is your shame damaging?

On day two, we'll examine how one of the most famous figures in the Bible experienced shame and how his experience can guide us forward.