Acts 15:22-41 | Church Hurtਨਮੂਨਾ

Sometimes church hurt comes from a person who is clearly in the wrong; other times it’s due to honest disagreement and difference of opinion. The former comes from clear, biblical sin. The latter has more to do with competing values, personalities, life experiences, or intuitions. The problem is when we think the latter is the former. Because it hurts, we can be tempted to treat the latter like the former. Let’s not make this mistake and disrespect those who have actually faced the former kind of trauma by equating our church hurts with theirs.

The latter is what we see in Acts 15, and far more common in the church today.

Paul and Barnabas split ways over John Mark, who abandoned them. What’s painful is that both Paul and Barnabas probably had valid points.

You can imagine how Mark hurt Barnabas by letting him down after Barnabas stuck his neck out for him.

You can imagine how Mark hurt Paul after investing into him.

You can imagine how Paul hurt Mark by not giving him a second chance.

You can imagine how Paul hurt Barnabas by not supporting his relative.

You can imagine how Barnabas hurt Paul by putting a family member who failed them ahead of the mission and ahead of their partnership.

Who’s right here? Who knows. It’s just a sea of hurt.

Church hurt is inevitable. Where two or three gather in Jesus’s name, there will be interpersonal conflicts, competing wills, and differences of opinion. Dinging each other, unintentionally hurting each other, and offending each other are all part of life together in the Christian experience.

As Christians, we share the same Lord, but we do not share the same values, personalities, or life experiences. This means some Christians will infuriate you. Some will bother you; some will bug you; some will get under your skin. At times you won't be able to believe that they believe in the same thing as you do. Some people will simply drive you nuts. How many times have you been driven nuts by another Christian? If it hasn’t happened to you, just go deeper into relationships with people at your church.

Church hurt is the tax that has to be paid on doing real life together. And that's what Christians are called to do—transcend superficial relationships and do real life together. When we do real life together, it inevitably brings about conflict.

Think about this. Who do you fight with the most? Your spouse, or casual friends? Who drives you nuts more than anyone? Your parents or kids or siblings, or people you casually meet? You know the answer to that. Christians are called brothers and sisters in Christ. We should expect to disagree. We should expect conflict. When we do life together in close proximity, when we make ourselves vulnerable to other people, when we truly share life together and not just a social media status, a hello at work, or involvement in some peripheral activities, conflict happens.

Many of Paul’s New Testament letters are written to help the early church work through this. His words in Colossians 3:14 can guide us.

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity” (Colossians 3:12-14).

The disagreement that came between Paul and Barnabas led them to split up and go their separate ways. Sometimes that becomes necessary, even healthy. But not until we do the hard work of Colossians 3. To do less is to miss our Christian calling. Those who refuse to practice Colossians 3 often find themselves without any real friendships or meaningful relationships. Out of fear of getting hurt, they stay distant from others and distant from the church, or jump ship every 18 months – bouncing from church to church and relationship to relationship when conflict inevitably comes.

Jesus invites us to another way.