Chasing False Needs Versus Resting in Realityਨਮੂਨਾ

The Big 5

As humans, we all have real needs—like our health and safety. When those needs are threatened, acute anxiety shows up, along with its good friend, adrenaline, to get us moving! Chronic anxiety, however, is more insidious. It’s a perceived threat generated by false needs. It’s when we think we need something that we don’t actually need, and when we don’t get it, we become reactive. Learning to notice and name those false needs can help set us free from chronic anxiety’s grip. We can then more clearly see the truth of who God is and relax more fully into His presence.

Every human has false needs, which can be found in the Big Five. These five broad categories represent the false needs we pursue in order to be okay, and most of us can relate to at least two. They are control, perfection, always knowing the answer, always being there for people and approval.

Control: Some people are incredibly controlling. They need everything and everyone to behave in a certain way so they can relax. When this false need is not met, they get reactive.

Perfection: Perfectionists believe they must get everything right every time—even if it’s the first time they’ve ever performed the task. They are never satisfied with their work. Instead, they incessantly critique, wondering how they could have done it better.

Knowing the Answer: Some of us need to always be the one with the right answer. If we know something, we need everyone else to know that we know.

Being There for People: Some people feel that they must always be there for others who are hurting. When someone is suffering, they can’t sit by—even if they’re overcommitted to helping others. Often, those who feel like they must always be there for others struggle to ask for help themselves.

Approval: Some of us crave other’s approval. If we disappoint someone, let someone down, or even perceive that someone doesn’t like us, we can get quite anxious. We need consistent validation and can anger pretty easily when triggered by disrespect.

The goal of managing anxiety is not simply for relief; it is to connect more fully with God. Anxiety shrinks the power of the gospel because it presents a false gospel, convincing us that we must rely on ourselves instead of our Creator. But we do not have to listen to anxiety’s gospel. We do not have to be slaves to the Big 5. When we locate our false needs, we can throw them off and be made new in the attitude of our minds as we connect more fully with the truth of who God is and who we are in Him.

Which of the Big 5 are you most prone to?

Can you recall a time when you succumbed to one of the Big 5? What happened?