Thrive: Discovering Joy in the Trenches of Military Lifeਨਮੂਨਾ

Looking Past the Fairy-Tale Image
Written by: Rhonda Butterfield

As little girls, we are presented with this image of the prince coming and sweeping the princess off her feet. They fall in love and live happily ever after.

This fairy-tale image is easy to believe, leading to unrealistic expectations. Somehow, this man is meant to complete us, and our marriage will be effortless. But that "becoming one" thing talked about in Genesis is not easy.

My own "fairy-tale image" was shattered into pieces when my husband returned from another deployment and confessed to 13 years of unfaithfulness and pornography addiction. I was broken, filled with anger and grief. Many have said, "I could never forgive that," and I once believed the same. But when faced with the choice of leaving or staying, I felt God urging me to choose love and forgiveness.

*Disclaimer: Every situation is different. You are not expected to stay in a relationship of abuse or continual betrayal. Seek God and wise counsel.

I chose to forgive and go on a journey I wasn't sure would end well. Trusting God and giving my husband time to make that choice also required patience. Choosing to forgive meant making daily choices, moment-by-moment choices, to stay and let grace and love win in the midst of the world telling me to leave. I chose true love, not the fairy-tale love, but hard-core, real love - a love that looks different. Choosing God's love meant a love that doesn't list his wrongs again but finds the grit to keep going.

God showed me that making a list of sins that are better than others is easy for us to do. But Jesus says that hatred is like committing murder and lust is like adultery. Placing sins on a scale leads us to be the judge. But we all have sin in our hearts; that's why we need a loving Savior. In Mark, there is a man consumed by demons and forced out of town. He didn't wake up one day saying, I am going to become filled with demons.

No way!

Sin often starts with small choices that lead us further into darkness. In my husband's lowest moment, my choice could pull him back or push him further into that dark hole. I chose to pull him back. I decided to forgive and love him as Christ loves me because his eternal salvation was ultimately more important.

In Isaiah, God reminds us that He is doing a new thing, so stop looking back at what was lost and instead embrace a new image. God's image is about making us holy, not happy. Yes, happiness is there, but it's not the main goal. It's teaching us how to forgive and choose love so we can show the world how Christ loves the church. It's not about my husband and I completing each other; it's about God completing the work He began in us.

How do you discover joy in the trenches of military life?

By looking past the fairy-tale image and how the world defines love, instead embracing God's image and seeking to view others through a Christ-centered lens.