3 Questions Every Son Needs Answeredਨਮੂਨਾ

Do I Have What It Takes?

This is THE question for every young man. “Do I Have What It Takes?”

Inside your son's heart, this question is often the motivator or de-motivator for many things.

Young boys ask this question much more directly than young men or even adults. They even verbalize it, but as parents, we often think it's cute, so we blow over it. You can picture a young boy looking at their parent or your son looking at you or your spouse and simply asking, "Did I do good?" Or they say, "Are you proud of me?" I believe they are looking for much more than just attention; they are building a framework that contributes to their actions, behavior, and choices throughout life. By asking these questions at a young age, your son is looking for the assurance that you believe in him and that he has what it takes to succeed.

As they get older, sons ask this question, much less directly. It's a subtle ask when they try their best or attempt something new. They internally answer the question by looking at their parents, siblings, and peers to see if they have what it takes.

The good news is that failure doesn't automatically answer this question. If your son fails, but somebody believes in him, he will pick himself up to try again. It is the encouragement and validation from others that keep them going.

However, if our sons allow people to validate them, they also allow the same people to invalidate them. Could you think of how it happens? A parent calls their child a failure or a mistake. A parent verbally or physically abuses a child. An adverse event is supported with negativity, and the boy, or man, interprets everything with a resounding, "No! You don't have what it takes to…" fill in the blank with one of ten million scenarios. If this question is not answered as a young man or answered with a "no," I have witnessed a couple paths that men typically travel down.

Path one, they try to prove to everybody that they have what it takes. They achieve and perform. They push themselves in sports, academics, performance, and careers. Ultimately, they seek approval for their actions, not who they are.

Or path two, that son spends the rest of his life searching for the answer to this question. He takes his question to women, believing that if they accept him, it'll answer his question. They take their question to sports, money, friends, and everybody in between. Each answer impacts his identity because he leaves himself open to both validation and invalidation with each response.

My wife had a friend who was blessed with a parent like this. Every day, that mom would encourage and build up her children before school in a variety of ways. That mom passed away at an early age, and the son spoke at his mom's funeral and communicated that when he left for school, it didn't matter what the other kids did or said. He knew that his mom believed in him and communicated it over and over.

As parents, we must answer this question for our sons.

Let's ensure that we are giving them the confidence to operate by encouraging them that the Lord of Lords and the God of Heavenly Hosts created them just the way they are. So, of course, God has implanted in them everything they need to thrive in this world. Let's be the kind of parents who keep an eye out for positivity and greatness and are quick to point out accomplishments and strengths.

Over-communicate to your son that he has what it takes to live out God's will in his life, and nothing is greater than that.

Reflection:

Have you clearly told your son that he has what it takes?

How can you be intentional with your words and actions to communicate to your son that he has what it takes?