Where Grief and Comfort Meet Like the Sky and Ocean

By Danny Saavedra

“When they came together in Galilee, he said to them, ‘The Son of Man is going to be delivered into the hands of men. They will kill him, and on the third day he will be raised to life.’ And the disciples were filled with grief.”—Matthew 17:22–23 (NIV)

I’ve recently become very much acquainted with both death and grief in a way I’ve never been before. A few days after Christmas in 2023, about 42 years after receiving Jesus, my dad, who was 89, went home to be with His Savior. Then, three weeks later, my mother-in-law, who was 52, joined him in the presence of Christ.

In the case of my dad, even though he was 89 with dementia and lung disease, and I was ready because I knew his time was coming to an end, I wasn’t ready for it. And the grief hit like a ton of bricks. With my mother-in-law, who had been battling lung cancer for a year, in and out of hospitals with collapsed lungs, closed airways, and pneumonia, we really thought she was going to pull through and were completely unprepared. And again, the grief was almost too much to overcome.

You see, whether we know it’s coming or not, nothing can prepare you for the grief (Greek lupeó: deep, emotional pain and sadness; severe sorrow) of losing someone you love; someone who was one of the most influential people in your life. And while we learn to live with the grief, it never goes away fully. Why am I sharing all of this with you? Because I want you to put yourself in the shoes of Jesus’ disciples in this moment in today’s passage.

Recently, the disciples witnessed Jesus’ transfiguration, saw Him heal a demon-possessed boy when they couldn’t, saw Him feed thousands of people on separate occasions with nothing more than a little bread and a few fish, saw Him walk on water and calm a raging storm, as well as perform all manner of wonders and miracles. And in the midst of all that, He tried to prepare them for what was to come: His death AND resurrection.

One time, Peter outright said, “Never, Lord. . . .This shall never happen to you” (Matthew 16:22–23 NIV), and was sharply rebuked by Jesus. This time, no one jumped in to say “no way,” “we’ll protect You,” or “we won’t let that happen!” Instead, they were just filled with grief.

But why were they filled with grief when on both occasions in Matthew, He followed it up with “and on the third day he will be raised to life;” that He’d be victorious over sin and death and hell! Well, Mark 9:32 (NLT) sheds even greater light, saying, “They didn’t understand what he was saying,” and Luke 9:45 (NLT) elaborates further, “Its significance was hidden from them, so they couldn’t understand it, and they were afraid to ask him about it.”

Maybe they thought He meant at the end of time He’d be resurrected, like Martha did? Or that He’d be raised to life in a spiritual sense? Whatever the case, they loved Him so dearly, and I believe all they heard was, “They’re going to kill Me . . . I’m going to die soon.” They weren’t ready.

I know because I wasn’t ready, even though my mother-in-law tried to prepare us, and even though my dad was fading. And even though I know I will see them again in the Lord’s presence, it still doesn’t hold back the indescribable pain of not having them here with us. And so, even with His warnings, they couldn’t imagine moving forward in life without being at His side.

Friends, what are we to take from this today? I believe the Lord put this in my path to teach me and share with you that like the disciples, IT’S OKAY to grieve deeply and feel incredible pain, sadness, hurt, and loss at the passing of a loved one—even when we have the assurance we’ll see them again in heaven. Why? Because like the disciples, our hearts can’t fully see past the fact they’re gone to remember they’re not really gone, but that they’ve graduated to glory. This is the horizon upon which grief and comfort meet like the sky and the ocean.

It’s okay to mourn, to cry out to Him, to wail and weep and collapse under the weight of the waves of pain, because in those moments, He’s there to sit and weep with us like He did with Mary and Martha (John 11). He’s there to reach out His hand and pull us out of the waves like He did for Peter (Matthew 14). And most importantly, He’s there to give us a glimpse of comfort and peace that they’ve truly risen and are more alive than they’ve ever been because the Son of Man was handed over and killed and raised to life.

Pause: Why do you feel the disciples felt grief at Jesus’ words, even though He followed it up with the news that He’d be resurrected on the third day?

Practice: Are you grieving today or know someone who is grieving the loss of a loved one, a diagnosis, a broken relationship, a loss of a job, home, dream, or anything else? If so, know it’s okay to feel this loss and to grieve. And know that if You bring this grief to Him, He will sit in it with you and give you all that you need to keep going one step and one minute at a time. And know that we’re here to grieve with you, so don’t hesitate to reach out to us!

Pray: Father, thank You for the victory over death that comes through Jesus. Thank You for the victory over all pain, sorrow, suffering, disease, distortion, wickedness, and impurity of this fallen world. Thank You that You’re the God who will one day wipe away every tear. But not only that, You’re also the God who sits with us and weeps with us when we grieve, who walks with us through every step in the grieving process, and who comforts us in all our troubles. Thank You, for You are everything and make everything beautiful, even grief. In Jesus’ name and in Jesus’ victory, I pray. Amen.