Manners for Moms

by Ellie Kay

We cannot always oblige; but we can always speak obligingly. ~Voltaire

When Daniel was two and Philip was six months old, they were already being thrown into social environments that required certain protocols. One such event was a family community dinner at Bob’s flying squadron. The noisy room was filled with jabbering kids and their chatting moms and dads. The children romped together in a section designated as a play area while the parents caught up on the upcoming social schedule.

I kept a close eye on Daniel and noticed him talking to one of the other pilots. Pretty soon, he came back with a package of peanut butter crackers and proudly held them out to us.

He was followed by a pilot who uttered six of the most unsettling words a mother can hear: “Does this child belong to you?”

For a split second, I was tempted to excuse myself from the conversation, point to Bob, and say, “He belongs to this gentleman.”

“Well,” replied the pilot, “I’ve been passing out crackers to the children for the last hour, and your son is one of the youngest kids I gave them to. He’s also the only one who said, ‘Thank you.’”

Daniel smiled sweetly and proudly repeated, “Tank U.”

Whew! Crisis averted, blood pressure back to normal. I thanked this kind man for letting us know our job as parents, trying to teach manners to our kids, wasn’t in vain.

If he had only witnessed this same child at dinner the previous night, when Daniel had spaghetti hanging from his nostrils, then he would have had a balanced picture. Take it from a mama who has wrangled with a few preteens in her time: it’s easier to teach good manners while children are young than break bad habits later.

Manners are much more than just saying “please” and “thank you”—they are ways of being kind to and considerate of others. Whether we like it or not, people have a tendency to judge our children on how they handle themselves around others. A few practical ways to instill these thoughtful values with our children include opening doors for others, letting others enter or exit an elevator before you, looking people in the eye when you speak, and using good table manners (sans spaghetti in nostrils, of course).

Trying to teach my children manners made me more mindful of mine. When I was out running errands with a passel of cranky kids and felt emotionally spent, it was tough to show good manners. I have to admit, I didn’t always succeed in being a model-manners mom.

As a matter of fact, I faced that situation shortly after the squadron incident. When I asked a cashier to check the price on a pair of blue jean shorts that were on sale, she replied, “Oh, don’t worry, the register will credit you at the end of the transaction. But even if it doesn’t, then you can take it to the customer service desk and get a refund.”

In front of my children, I grumpily responded, “But that wastes my time—what ever happened to the idea of getting the order right the first time?” The teenager shrugged her shoulders and smiled halfheartedly.

I glanced at her name tag and saw: Cashier in Training. Yeah well, you need to go back to Training School, sweetheart, I thought to myself impatiently. I was running late and decided I’d take her word for it—even though my gut said the receipt would show an $8 overcharge.

When I finally paid and received a receipt, there was her error staring back at me as big as Texas—I was right, and she was wrong. I turned to Cashier-In-Need-of-More-Training and growled, “I was overcharged $8—you were wrong. I’ll have to make another trip to get the difference—I don’t have time for this today!” Then I turned on my heel, gathered my restless bear cubs, and stormed out of the store.

About three steps out the door, the Holy Spirit convicted me with this: “Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an offense” (Proverbs 12:16 NRSV). I put the bags in the car, gathered my children together, and walked back into the store to apologize to the cashier.

I must admit that I would much rather be polite in the first place than have to go back and correct my poor manners. But it helps to know that God can use even my failures to teach my kids a valuable lesson. I’m thankful that God is there for me when I fail—ready to offer me a second chance (and a third, and a fourth …). All I can say to him is “Tank U.”

Fools show their anger at once, but the prudent ignore an insult.

Proverbs 12:16 NRSV

For more devotions by Carol Kent and Ellie Kay, check out their devotional, Moments of Grace for Moms, HERE.