Living Beyond Offense: 7 Days Exploring Forgivenessಮಾದರಿ

A Process of Forgiveness

If forgiveness is a spiritual discipline, as followers of Jesus Christ, we need to put practical language in place for how to engage in its work. I would like to provide a method for how to faithfully engage in the work of forgiveness. The goal here isn’t to create a checklist for you, but to make forgiveness practical enough for you to faithfully obey Jesus’s command to forgive.

Honestly Acknowledge

When someone treats you unjustly (or you think they did), you need to selah—to pause and think about what just happened. Without ruminating in a way that would only stir up your anger more than settle it, take time to replay what happened. Maybe even write it down. Make a record of what hurt and why. Identify what you found particularly offensive and how it made you feel. At this part of the process, hold off on making a judgment about how you feel. That will come next. For now, feel what you feel and say what you need to say to God.

Search Your Heart

Because we are just as fallen as the person with whom we’ve taken offense, we need to be open to the possibility that we may be the source of the problem. We need to heed Jesus’s command to pause and consider if there any planks in our eyes and remove those before attempting to remove any specks out of others’ eyes (Matthew 7:3-5). We need to invite God to search our hearts and reveal any idolatry in our hearts to determine if the offense is warranted

Decisively Commit to Forgive

Now that you’ve made space for God to search your heart and address any planks that might be in your own eye, you are ready to address the speck in your offender’s. Of the offenses you noted as you honestly acknowledged what happened and how it made you feel, identify which ones fit under God’s law and which fit under your own. Determine which offenses you need to forgive, which ones you need to let go of, and maybe even the ones where you need to extend more grace.

Humbly Confront

Though I don’t want you to move through this process rigidly, I do believe it is helpful to honestly acknowledge and search your heart before you humbly confront. This way you can communicate clearly how the person has wronged you, and you can make sure you don’t shortsightedly accuse them, especially when it’s possible that you’re the guilty party. Honestly acknowledging and searching your heart first can save you from making an emotionally-charged response. I also encourage you to decisively commit to forgiving before you humbly confront your offender. This will guard your heart from basing your decision to forgive on their response.

Forgiveness Transforms Us Into the Image of Christ

Beloved, if we choose unforgiveness as a way of life, we will inevitably damage our hearts in ways that make it difficult for us to love and be loved by God and others. Forgiveness is a survival skill you must learn so you don’t get trapped in bitterness and unresolved anger. We need to repent of treating forgiveness as an optional command and start regarding it as spiritual discipline meant to transform us increasingly more into the image of Christ.

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We hope this plan was helpful to you. You can read more from Yana Jenay Conner in her book, Living Beyond Offense, available here.