The Making of a Biblical Leader: 10 Principles for Leading Others Wellნიმუში

A Leader Is: Tough and Tender

Gary Hamrick

There are times a leader needs to be tough, and there are times a leader needs to be tender, and one had better not confuse the two!

Jesus was the perfect example of such a balanced leader. He exemplified both toughness and tenderness. There were times when He revealed His tender side. He wept over Jerusalem (Matthew 23:37-39). He wept at Lazarus’ tomb (John 11:35). And He wept at other unspecified times in Scripture (Hebrews 5:7).

But Jesus also showed a tough side. In John 2:13-22, near the beginning of His ministry, He braided a whip and drove out the moneychangers from the temple in Jerusalem. Three years later, near the end of His ministry, He again displayed His righteous indignation by driving out the moneychangers, as recorded in Matthew 21:12-17.

The key to effective leadership is to know which to exercise when.

If you’re tender at a time when you should be tough, people will be allowed to get away with things they shouldn’t, and that will have devastating results in the long term. On the other hand, if you’re tough when you should be tender, you’re going to end up crushing some people along the way and leaving a trail of wounded souls.

If you’re a parent, you understand this delicate dance. My wife, Terri, and I have three grown children—Tyler, Austin, and Lindsey. When they were young and still living at home, whenever we caught them misbehaving, they responded to our parenting in slightly different ways. All Tyler needed was a stern glance, and he would quickly conform. All Lindsey needed was a firm word, and she also would quickly conform. To do more would have crushed their young spirits. But our middle child, Austin, needed more—a stern glance or a firm word would not have been enough. Each child responded better to different types of leadership (parenting), and the key is to know which type to exercise when. (Side note: I am happy to report that all three children turned out wonderfully by the grace of God! All three have a strong relationship with Jesus, all three married Christian spouses, and all three serve on staff at our church, Cornerstone Chapel—all to the glory of God!)

So whether you’re in a leadership role in a ministry, an organization, a business, or a family, sometimes you need to be tough, and sometimes you need to be tender.