Listening that Opens Hearts

People want to be listened to. They want an opportunity to share their story and to be seen. They want to be known for who they are, and loved and accepted in spite of their mess.

We’ve been given two ears and one mouth for a reason! Spirit-empowered listening goes beyond words, uncovering the underlying passions, pain, and plans. People will reveal both the dignity and depravity of humanity, sometimes within the same sentence.

As followers of Jesus, we have the opportunity to embody the good news by our posture and our actions. Our job is to love people just as they are today. That, in turn, will encourage them to be more open and honest.

The Bible tells us in James 1:19 (NIV) that “everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak.”

When we practice this, we are offering others dignity and honor. Proverbs 20:5 (NIV) describes this process: “The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.” This verse reminds us that we are called to be like a well-digger, drawing out the deeper desires, dreams, and pains that lie beneath the surface of casual talk.

In Philippians 2:3-4 (NIV) we’re told, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” The application in conversations is that we’re to lean in to their story, to listen thoroughly to what they are saying. We can choose to hold back on the internal voice that demands we interrupt to give them our point of view!

The goal isn't just to share the facts, but to understand the person. This practice of listening well communicates that they are valuable and worth knowing. It builds trust and earns us the right to be heard later on when we share our own story of faith.

We can also be active encouragers, calling out the good in others by offering specific and authentic praise. If you see that they're good at something, say it! Empty praise falls flat, but honest affirmation builds people up.

The Listener’s Alphabet

Here is a quick ABC checklist for opening up conversations:

• Attention - Don't primarily seek to be the attention getter, but the attention giver.
• Body Language - Think of your posture and how you are using your body. Is your posture open and engaged, or distracted and closed? Are your eyes on them, or are you scanning the room for someone more interesting? Is your physical distance neither too removed nor too invasive?
• Choose vulnerability - We set the tone by sharing with authenticity and appropriate vulnerability. This helps others relax and choose candor themselves.
• Dig Deeper - Ask follow-up questions to uncover passions and pain. Bring a warm, genuine, godly curiosity. If stuck, simply try saying, “Tell me more…”
• Engagement - If you find your mind wandering, confirm what you hear, so as to invite elaboration, “So you find your boss really challenging?”

But listening isn’t only about people. It’s also about the Holy Spirit, the One who has ultimate insight!

Jesus said in John 16:13 (NIV) that when “the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth.” That includes nudges, whispers, and promptings in conversation. As we listen to someone’s story, we can internally pray, “Holy Spirit, what are You saying? Where are You leading? What’s underneath this person’s words?” Often, the Spirit will highlight a question to ask, an insight into their story, or a step of boldness to take.

When we listen both ways - attentively both to people and to God - we create space for the Spirit to move through us. He helps us to discern where God is already at work, and amazingly He gives us the privilege of joining in on a divine appointment!

Your Next Steps

1. Honestly rate your listening patterns - distracted, polite, or deeply present? What's one thing you can do to grow in this skill?
2. Set an intention to give more attention this week, asking God to help you stay present.
3. Pray now for one person who especially needs your patient listening at this time.

Prayer

Lord Jesus, thank You for always hearing me with patience and love. Forgive me for rushing to speak and for when I make conversations about myself. Shape my heart to listen deeply. Give me the insight to draw out the deeper purposes of a person's heart with wisdom. May I see, honor, and love each person as You do. Amen.