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How to Keep your Relationships Right

James 4:1-12

James urges us to get our relationships right. First, there is division – ‘fights and quarrels’ (vv.1–3). Second, there is the problem of dissatisfied lives (v.2). If we set our hearts on pleasure, as many do, we will never be satisfied. Third, we suffer from a lack of spiritual power due to neglect of prayer (v.3). How do we deal with these? The root of the problem is a breakdown of relationships.

1. A Right relationship with God (vv.4–6)

James sees the Christian’s relationship with God as akin to marriage, so that ‘friendship with the world’ (meaning the fallen world, organised in opposition to God) is the equivalent of adultery. The apostle John takes up this theme, warning, ‘Do not love the world or anything in the world’ (1 John 2:15). James expands this point. The true purpose of your life is not to satisfy yourself physically or materially nor to seek your identity in so-called success and worldly position. Those who seek satisfaction in these areas will never be satisfied because only a friendship with God can satisfy. God hates to see us go after other things (v.5) and if we persist in doing so will oppose us in this (v.6).

But as you humbly ask for his help, he gives you his grace and his undeserved love. He is tirelessly on your side. God is so good that it is only reasonable to submit yourself to him (v.7). As you do so, you desire what he desires and he gives you the desires of your heart.

2. Right relationship with evil (vv.7–10)

You are called to fight the devil tooth and nail. The devil is the ruler of the world apart from God and wants to draw us away from this love relationship with God. He tries to drag us away through addiction, bad temper, theft, lust, lying, unforgiveness or some other sin. The battle is great but as you resist him, he flees (v.7). As you draw near to God, he draws near to you (v.8).

‘Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you’ (James 4:7–8). It is worth learning this by heart, meditating on it and using it whenever you are tempted.You are called to hate sin (vv.8–9), to wash your hands and purify your heart. Put right what you do and what you think. Don’t be ‘double-minded’; decide between God and the world. It is no good thinking you can live a holy life and hang on to just a little bit of sin. ‘Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field... Get down on your knees before the Master.’ And God does not leave us there. Getting down on our knees is the way to get back on our feet! (vv.8b–10, MSG).

When James writes, ‘Turn your laughter to mourning’ (v.9), he is not condemning all laughter. Laughter is like an internal workout – it exercises the emotions, relieves stress and tension and keeps us healthy. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Learn to laugh at yourself. But take God seriously. We must not use complacent laughter where our actions call for regret and repentance (v.9).

As we humble ourselves, he will lift us up (v.10).

3. Finally, a Right relationships with each other (vv.11–12)

Since you are living in a right relationship with God, you also want to be at peace with your brothers and sisters. James says, ‘Do not slander one another’ (v.11). Slander and back-biting are illustrations of a lack of humility. We bring others down in order to puff ourselves up.

Our fellow Christians are our ‘brothers and sisters’ (v.11). In speaking evil we are failing to love our brothers and sisters. The law tells us to love one another. In speaking against one another, we are speaking against the law. In a negative and critical environment, people shrivel up and die emotionally. The opposite is an atmosphere of love and encouragement that enables people to blossom. You demonstrate your love for God by the way you treat your brothers and sisters.

Christianity for James, as for Jesus, is about relationships. It is about loving God and loving others. It is about resisting anything that gets in the way. As you put your relationships right, all the rest will follow. You find yourself aligned to the will of God and you will enjoy the freedom, peace and security available through communication with God. If you love God and love your neighbour, there is nothing that God will not do for you – you will discover the spiritual power available to you because God’s power is unlimited.

Lord, help me to live in right relationship with you and others and to enjoy the freedom, peace, security and spiritual power available through my communication with you.

References

© Nicky Gumbel, 2024

This reading plan is adapted from the book 30 Days by Nicky Gumbel. It is published by Hodder and Stoughton in the UK, and by HarperCollins Christian Publishing in the USA.